The best and the worst of the Euro 2024 group stage
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It would be hard to beat the opening match for sheer drama and atmosphere as Germany roared into a home tournament with an outstanding display against a Scotland side that was expected to trouble them.
The quality of the goals, and the fact that Germany kept it going until the 93rd minute when Emre Can scored the fifth, made it a thriller (as long as you weren’t Scottish).
The other home team here kicked off amid a deafening cacophony in Dortmund. It really is hard to emphasise just how bloody loud the Turkish fans were.
When their team served up a barnstorming opening victory, complete with teenager Arda Guler’s rasper, the decibels soared again.
Let’s be honest, Group C was a total snoozefest, with five draws from six games and only seven goals in total.
Most boring match? Let’s go for England 0, Slovenia 0 when Gareth Southgate’s team delivered death by slow sideways passing (even though Southgate said it was his side’s best performance).
Only matched by Denmark’s 0-0 slumber against Serbia.
There have perhaps been worse contests (step forward thrice England) but given the assembled talent, Group D’s headline clash was an awful letdown.
This is where the Euros format doesn’t help. In a two-team-progresses group there would have surely been much more urgency.
The Bayern Munich sensation, just 21, has scored twice already in the tournament and lit up the pitch whenever he’s been on the ball.
His dribbling skills, awareness and creativity mark him out as a flare player who delivers, something that every team is crying out for. Expect him to play a huge role in Germany’s progress on home soil.
If I speak I am in big trouble. Has it been Pepe? Surely not. Let’s go with Toni Kroos who played 101 successful passes out of 102 on an irresistible opening night which lit the German fires.
He’s created a great platform for Ilkay Gundogan, almost as dominant, to push on ahead of him.
We already knew the 21-year-old Atletico Bilbao forward was good, but some people questioned whether he was ready for the Premier League. Now Arsenal and Chelsea know the answer and he’s very much on their radar.
Direct, skillful, quick and impactful he looks a proper talent.
Chelsea are surely planning a €120m raid on Own Goal, who’s been terrific. According to Transfermarkt, Georges Mikautadze’s value is spiking.
As joint-top scorer, the Georgian is on Ajax’s books but available. Real Madrid could triple the €20m they paid for Guler last summer if he’s squeezed out of minutes there.
Eye catching surprise?
It’s been an uninspiring start for England (what other country could be fuming and throwing cups at their manager for finishing top of their group).
But Crystal Palace defender Guehi has been hugely impressive at centre-half. He’s calm and assured and always in the right place. A revelation.
Too often hyped talents come to these things and fall flat. So you can, technically, mark Spain’s wonderful wing tandem of Nico Williams and Lamine Yamal as the most pleasant surprise.
What a threat they’ve brought to the flanks. They’ve moved Spain from contenders to joint-favourites.
Let’s leave England aside, they get enough headlines. Sorry, Scotland, but it’s you. The Tartan Army arrived with bravado but produced limp performances, throwing away all the good traits that got them to the finals.
A rabbit in the headlights against Germany, a damp squib all round.
The logistics team at Deutsche Bahn. Good god, Germany’s transport infrastructure has been a holy show.
The host nation’s reputation for efficiency has proven a modern myth but, to their credit, fans have got on with it and helped avoid some chaotic situations (Gelsenkirchen particularly) turning tragic.
The Paris St Germain winger, now 27, simply hasn't lived up to his billing as one of his generation's most exciting wingers. He was lambasted for his performance in a goalless draw against the Netherlands as France continue to find the right balance up front to support Kylian Mbappe.
It seems a long time ago when Barcelona paid 145m Euros for him before selling him to PSG.
If ‘they’ is the little green DuoLingo owl, then my proficiency in German has proven to be nowhere near the level my feathered friend suggested. Absolute scheiße. There are probably 14 Englishmen who could slot in here but one great half from Jude Bellingham has preceded five wretched ones.
At just 16 years old Lamine Yamal is better than anyone outside of Spain expected. Coach Luis de la Fuente says he has been ‘touched by God’s wand’, which sounds like a mixed metaphor, but there’s certainly magic in the air. The Barcelona teenager has played a part in all three group games and been impressive.
Only problem? Germany employment law says athletes under 18 can’t play past 11pm. Let’s hope there’s no penalties…
Yes, yes, he’s 39 now and all but retired but his kebab shops serve up, as one Scottish fan told us, unreal scran! We can see why Podolski’s food empire is worth €200m.
N’Golo Kante’s second coming certainly wasn’t flagged. He’s been tasty too.
The tournament has been refreshingly free of VAR disasters but Argentine referee Facundo Tello failing to award Scotland a penalty during their crucial third group stage match against Hungary in Stuttgart was controversial.
Willi Orban’s tackle on Stuart Armstrong, with the score still 0-0, looked like a clear penalty but was waved away, leaving Scotland manager Steve Clarke fuming – and insisting that officials from outside of Europe should not be allowed to referee at the Euros. Ouch.
At risk of dragging Steve Clarke further towards a re-running of the Falklands War, the whistling has actually been pretty low key and that’s a good sign.
The Netherlands goal which was chalked off against France took way too long to clear up and even then remained murky.
It feels like we’ve moved on from total football at Euro 2024 and now the key word for a talented coach is ‘flexible’ – an ability to switch tactics inside the game. Germany’s Julian Nagelsmann springs to mind.
At the other end of the scale, the low block and high pressing is allowing minnows to close the gap on the big boys. Slovenia were a good example in Group C.
Whatever Ralf Rangnick is doing, the rest should give it a rattle. Austria have been a joy to watch, an international team turned club side with a collective cohesion and determination that drove them to top Group D, becoming the nation no one wants to face.
But, given we all arrived here looking for some joy, it’s the return of the long-range rocket. Hold your positionism and xG there for a sec while I put laces through this one.
Wonderful.
Toni Kroos is meant to be retiring this summer but he’s been outstanding for Germany at 34 having just won the Champions League. Cristiano Ronaldo is still making an impact, playing the full 90 minutes at 39, and teammate Pepe has been the best defender in the tournament so far at 41.
Luka Modric became the oldest player to score in Euros history at 38 and Jesus Navas, 34, is back for Spain. What are they putting in the half-time oranges?
Strong half, weak half, the knockout stages stretch before us with pre-ordained positions shuffled off the table thanks to a group stage which defied so many expectations.
Germany, Spain, France and Portugal on the same side is tantalising but we ought to expect twists.
Now here's a conundrum. The best three teams so far have been Germany, Spain and Portugal - but they are all in the same half of the draw, along with France.
England have been the most disappointing performers - but have an easier schedule, with Italy and Belgium their most likely quarter-final or semi-final opponents if they get that far.
Only an English politician would bet on this one. The bookmakers predict England v France but we're going for Germany to win it.
The Yanks call this stuff bracketology. (Typical of their bolloxology.) But the permutations point to quarter-finals of Spain-Germany and Portugal-France in the top half.
The bottom half? Anyone’s guess. If Julian Nagelsmann’s hosts can get past Spain we like them going all the way. Meeting them in Berlin? A Greece 2004-like surprise — Austria or Turkey.