Coco's Law: 'Long after we're gone, her name will still be there'
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Despite being just 5ft tall, Nicole Fox has made a monumental impact on Ireland, protecting others from the horrors of online abuse through legislation enacted this week in her name.
Known affectionately as "Coco" by her loving family, Nicole was 21 years old when she died by suicide after suffering years of horrific physical and online abuse that started just after she turned 18.
Her mother Jackie’s world shattered the day she found Coco’s limp body at their Clondalkin home in January 2018, after popping out to collect her son from school.
But she channelled her excruciating grief into changing Ireland in Coco’s name, fighting tirelessly for legislation that could better protect others from online bullying and abuse.
And on Tuesday, the Harassment, Harmful Communications and Related Offences Act 2020, known as Coco’s Law, was commenced, with a memorandum about Coco and how she inspired the new law.
“Nicole’s name is in the Irish Statute Book. Her memorandum is attached to the legislation,” Jackie said.
“Long after we’re gone, her name will still be there.
“I’m also working with Helen McEntee and Brendan Howlin to educate people on Coco’s Law. It will be in the curriculum so everyone must learn what Coco’s Law is.
“This legislation was not there to protect Nicole but hopefully it will save other people’s lives and other families from having to suffer like we have.
“I’m proud that she has such a huge legacy.
“But we still have to live without her. We’ll never be able to hug her or hear her laugh or see her smile again.
“So it’s a hugely bittersweet time.”
Nicole had been bullied relentlessly, both physically and online before her death, out of nothing but jealousy, Jackie said.
She was burned with cigarettes, hauled by the hair, hurled down metal staircases and her hip was dislocated.
But the online bullying was relentless and “got into her head”.
Remembering her daughter, Jackie said: “When she was growing up she was the funniest person.
“She was lively, she was bubbly, she was very outgoing, she had a lot of friends. She was cheeky too! But she never brought trouble to the door. She was a mammy’s girl. She was my best friend. We did everything together,” Jackie said, her voice breaking.
The bullying started when Nicole turned 18, excited about embarking on her adult life and going to her first nightclub.
An older woman in her 20s befriended her to try to get close to a male friend of Nicole’s, Jackie said.
But when that young man declined this woman’s advances, “things turned nasty” and the woman recruited more people to harass and assault Nicole, Jackie said.
“They scarred her skin with a hair straightener.
“Nicole was only my height, 5ft, she was only tiny. She used to dance on the dance floor in the nightclub and no matter where she went they would pretend to dance beside her and give her an elbow in the face or the chest.
“One time, Nicole was coming out of the bathroom and one of the girls pushed her so hard into the corner of the table that they actually dislocated her hip.”
Reeling from the physical abuse, Nicole took an overdose in 2015.
“We spent four nights in the hospital, myself and Nicole,” Jackie said.
“I thought that was our worst nightmare but that was only the beginning of it.” Although Nicole went to CAMHS [Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services] after the suicide attempt, Jackie said Nicole was essentially told that it was a phase and she would “get over it” so they never went back.
Although Jackie took her on trips to cheer her up, bringing her shopping, to the cinema, to concerts and to their holiday home in Wexford, Nicole was slipping further into depression.
“I could see I was losing her. She went from this bubbly, funny, lively girl to just staying in her room a lot. I would hear her crying at night going to bed.
“I remember walking into her room and seeing that she had dug her nails so deep into her legs and her belly that she bled. Her smile was gone, her confidence was gone. She felt rejected. And because she was staying in the loneliness was getting to her.
“I remember going into her room one night and Nicole told me that she didn’t want to be here anymore and the only reason she couldn’t kill herself was because she didn’t want to leave me heartbroken.
“Hearing your only little girl say that … just … it kills you," said Jackie.
“And she was so strong because she held on for another two years after that. But it got so bad for her at the end that she just couldn’t live another day with them.
The bullying had moved online so that even when locked away in her bedroom, Nicole couldn’t escape her abusers.
“These people weren’t happy just with the physical abuse, they brought it online then. They made fake pages, they told Nicole all the time through Snapchat and WhatsApp and Messenger to go and hang herself, ‘everyone hates you, no-one wants you here, you’re better-off dead’. “They even sent her videos of a noose, showing how to hang yourself.
“They made a fake Facebook page and on the fake page they threatened to beat her up so badly she’d be in a coma on a life-support machine.
“Nicole had never suffered from anxiety or anything like that before but she started to throw up with fear before leaving the house.
“Then she’d go out, dressed up and smiling and no one would know she had been throwing up in the bathroom an hour earlier because of these people.
Jackie believes the abuse moved online because Nicole's abusers knew they would get away with it that way.
“And there was no help. There was no legislation there to stop it. I was powerless in every way.”
Three years after Nicole’s first suicide attempt, Jackie came home after collecting her son from school to find Nicole had tried again.
“We went to the chipper that day. That always haunts me because if we didn’t go to the chipper would we have made it back in time?
“We were only gone an hour. She was still alive. Her heart was still beating. I was doing CPR on her, on loudspeaker with the ambulance crew. But when she went in the ambulance on the way to the hospital she took a massive heart attack, but being as strong as Nicole was, they got a heart beat back again.
“She was put on a ventilator in intensive care, but in between the sounds of the ventilator there was another noise, the nurse said that was Nicole trying to breathe herself. She was still alive.”
Jackie was horrified to then hear from a doctor that her daughter would not survive.
Nicole had suffered extensive brain damage and her organs were going to shut down, the doctor said.
“We were only gone an hour. She was still breathing when we found her. I couldn’t comprehend that she wasn’t going to come home.
“I stayed with her for two days and nights, I stayed awake, family and friends were coming in to say goodbye, I still couldn’t believe it.
“When she was lying in the bed I remember saying to her ‘Nicole, will you just open your eyes?’ But it didn’t happen.
“That was on the 18th of January. Then on the 20th January at 5.26 a nurse said that it was time. I remember getting up on the bed with her and saying to her ‘just let go. No one can ever hurt you again Cocs. No-one can ever hurt you. Just let go pet. I love you Coco-Pops.’ And then she died,” Jackie said through tears.
Jackie was so distraught that she decided to follow her only daughter into the grave but then something happened to change her mind and she decided to fight for better protections for people suffering online bullying and harassment instead.
“It wasn’t that I missed Nicole any less but I decided to fight instead of going with her. I decided to do something about it so that no other people would suffer the way Nicole did and so that no other family would suffer the way we are to this very second.”
Jackie started calling TDs and writing to people, calling for new laws to criminalise online abuse.
“At the start, no one was listening but I kept going,” she said.
“I held protests outside the Dáil, I had a huge march through Dublin City and everyone who came brought a single pink balloon for Coco.
“Eventually I was put onto Brendan Howlin from Labour, he was fantastic. I had a Facebook page about Coco’s Law and people really got behind it.
“A group March for Justice got behind me too and they were fantastic. There were a lot of setbacks but March for Justice kept me going."
They gave talks and marched all over Ireland for Coco's Law, and her fight against online abuse has given Jackie “some faith” that people can change the law for the better.
“But now it’s up to the guards and the courts to enforce it,” she said.
"The guards and the courts have to make examples of these people from the start to deter other people from abusing others. The legislation is here to save people from suicide, so do that. Make examples of people.”
And plenty of people desperately need that protection now, she said.
“Online bullying has increased so much since lockdown. It’s easy to get people in groups online and spread things around when you have nothing else to do.
“And I’ve met so many parents who have already lost their kids due to online bullying. So many others have suffered just as much as Nicole. And it was allowed to happen because of a lack of legislation in Ireland to stop it," she said.
“When the guards came to me two days after Nicole died, they said that it wasn’t a criminal offence to tell people online to hang themselves or drink bleach. It wasn’t a criminal offence to send videos on how to kill yourself. So there was no protection there for Nicole or anyone else.”
After Nicole’s death, Jackie and her family moved to their “happy place” in Wexford where Nicole had loved to play on the beach and go crab fishing as a child. The bullies lived around their old home in Clondalkin and there were too many distressing memories to stay there.
“It’s never going to be our happy-ever-after home because Nicole’s not going to be in it, but its taken a lot of stress off myself and my sons since we moved. I brought all her stuff with me. I couldn’t give away her clothes, a lot of them still had her smell on them, so I got a big duvet cover made with her clothes, a patch from each dress or her pyjamas."
She even got a teddy made from Nicole's favourite purple onesie.
“We have a bench with a plaque for her at the sea too. I go there to read a book or think about her.
“I got her cremated because I thought she’d hate being up in a graveyard in the cold and the dark by herself. So she’s beside my bed at home now.
“I never would be angry or annoyed with her. I could understand why she couldn’t take it. I saw it first-hand what she was going through.
“She was my best friend. I miss her so much and I have to live without her now just because some other people wouldn’t leave her alone.
“After she died I said I was going to make sure that she was never forgotten. I was angry and upset at the time but that did actually happen. Now today, everyone knows her name.”
If you or someone you know has been affected by mental health issues you can contact:
Samaritans - 116 123, text 087 2609090 or email jo@samaritans.ie Pieta (Suicide & Self-harm) - 1800 247 247 or 01 623 5606 Aware (Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder & Anxiety) - 1800 80 48 48 Grow (Mental Health support & Recovery) - 1890 474 474 Bodywhys (Eating Disorders Associations of Ireland) - 1890 200 444 Childline (for under 18s) - 1800 66 66 66