Colm O'Regan: Three things characters do on telly that annoy me 

Another item on the towering list of things you have to do before you die. 

Another best kept secret place to visit, a must-see streamer to binge, another life-changing novel to add to the rickety To Be Read pile.

 So don’t worry about watching Silo. It’s not a promising title. It sounds like it could be about a fella storing grain.

 Or inefficiencies in a large organisation because people won’t talk to others about what they’re doing which is why a road gets dug up 14 times after it’s just been built.

This Silo (it’s very good by the way, you should definitely watch it) is a set in a dystopian future. The only kind of future, they way we’re heading.

Humans survive underground in a massive vertical underground structure called a silo with hundreds of levels. 

There are strict rules about everything in life until a mechanic named Juliette starts uncovering secrets. You’d expect there to be secrets at that stage, with all the siloed thinking.

It’s a gripping show. I highly recommend you watch it before you die. One of the less obvious reasons it’s great is the way characters explain what’s going on to each other. 

They just do it in this normal “Here’s what happened” kind of way. Like two normal humans might. It shouldn’t be remarkable and yet it is. 

I think I’m at the cranky stage of life where I don’t have time for complicated metaphors or imagery and get annoyed when people don’t get to the point.

If you want me to watch your TV show and tell everyone else to watch it or they’re missing out, just don’t do one of the following:

1: The I want to show you something’

Character who doesn’t know what’s going on: WHAT’S GOING ON?

Character who knows what’s going on: Come with me, I want to show you something.

I’m screaming at the telly “JUST TELL THEM” But they don’t just tell them. They walk them into a room and say “What do you see?” and then the person has to guess the fecking point by piecing together some clues. 

I’m out of my chair at this stage shouting “the bomb is going off in three minutes, this is not the time for KEY LEARNINGS!”

2: Let me tell you a story

Another classic reply to “Please just effing tell me wtf is going on”. The person who knows just smiles mysteriously and says “I want to tell you a story.

It’s story about a little boy who really wanted a kite and he save and saved until the kite was within reach but when he had the money he decided he didn’t want a kite. That little boy was me. And that kite is you. You’re the kite from the story.” Or some other such bolloxology.

3. I’ll explain on the way.

The all-time classic: “Not time to explain. Get in the car, I’ll explain on the way.” NO! I am not getting in the car without some hint. Do I need to bring a big coat, better shoes? Some sort of weapon?

Also we’re both going to need the toilet otherwise you’re going to be hanging from that precipice with two major problems. 

Then they get in the car and they’re clearly 30 miles down the road and eventually someone says: “well aren’t you going to tell me what all of this is about?” WHAT?! What were they talking about before then? The traffic? A must-see show called Silo?!

Some may say I have little to be worried about. But this will all make sense soon. I can’t explain why right now.