Dear Dáithí: I'm worrying about my teen's Leaving Cert... and their post-exam holiday
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There is nothing surer but the youth of today have it good with it comes to holidays.
I went on my first holiday when I was 25 because that was the first time I could afford to go anywhere outside of Ireland.
I see young people heading off now for weekend breaks and I say fair play to them.
Where they get the money, I don’t know — probably a mixture of working and from their parents if they are still in school.
The Leaving Cert holiday certainly wasn’t there in my day, but you can see why they want to go — they work very hard in school.
And the pressure these days seems to be a lot more than what I experienced — though that might be a reflection on me.
Your teenager is working hard at the moment, and from reading between the lines this might be the first time in a long time that he is, and I’d keep this going for as long as possible.
Sometimes people need a little push, and this just might be the push he needed. It will keep him focused, and it can be used as a reminder between now and next June.
Who is paying for this holiday?
If it’s you, you have more control over what’s going to happen.
You will need to have to have a serious conversation about what’s going to happen.
To be honest, and you can’t fool yourself here, he is going to have a good few drinks every night — that is what happens.
He is also going to probably meet a girl and we all know what happens — don’t think too much about this one.
But I would give him a good strong warning that if there is anything illegal or any fighting and so on, or if you see anything bad on social media, that he is in for it when he comes home.
You should say that you’ll go over and bring him home if necessary.
I would go in that strong, and I’d do this the day before he leaves so it’s fresh in his mind. The reason why I’m saying this is this is exactly what I’d say to my fella when he comes looking to go on holiday with friends.
I’ve a bit of time before this will come to my door, but it will happen to me.
I don’t know if a psychologist would give you this advice, but this is what would keep me on the straight and narrow and out of trouble — a bit of West Kerry psychology.
When you have that out of the way, encourage him to have a great time with his friends.
These holidays are to be enjoyed and I’m sure they will, but don’t forget this — and this should be a comfort to you — you have raised him to be the adult he is becoming, and you know all the goodness that is in him, and have faith in that.
I know sometimes we hear all the crazy stories and what happens on these holidays, and we forget what fantastic children we have raised.
We put them into the situation in our heads and we blow it out of proportion, and we shouldn’t. It doesn’t get us anywhere.
Also, you say that he and his friends are a pretty nice bunch, which is brilliant.
It does sound like you might have blown this up in your head, so you need to take a step back and have a reality check — this is the only way you will stop worrying and relax about the trip.
Otherwise, you won’t sleep between now and the end of June next year.
What your son needs now is his mom being there for him for the rest of the school year. Use this holiday as a carrot to keep him going.
He’ll only enjoy the holiday properly when the year goes well, so you need to make sure that happens.
Worrying about the now for now — that’s all you can do. And I always say there is no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened and that probably won’t.
Enjoy this year with your son, he’s off to college next year and won’t be around as much.