Dear Dáithí: I've a good life, but I'd love a partner to share it with

I’m in my early 50s. My last relationship broke down three years ago and since then I’ve been single. I have a son from that relationship and we love spending time together, but in the evenings, when he’s gone to bed, it gets lonely.

I have a good life, a great child, and a successful business, but I’d love to share it with someone, or just have someone to come home to at the end of the day. It’s not even about the sex (OK, maybe a little bit), it’s about the companionship. To be able to look forward to a night sitting on the sofa watching a movie, or someone making me a cup of tea in the morning, that would be so lovely. 

The problem is I don’t know where to meet people. My job is just me, so that’s not an option. I’ve tried speed dating and online dating, but had a couple of weird experiences. Friends have suggested I try those meet-up groups, but I struggle with confidence (I could use a wing-person!). I have a good life, but I don’t like the idea of being alone for the rest of my days. I need some advice!

I think it’s important to start off on a very positive note. You have so much going for you and so many positives in your life and that is a great place to be. That quality time you spend with your son is so special and benefits both of you. He is very lucky to have you, but the issue here is that he has you all to himself and that’s not fair on mom.

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle and all the pieces are fitting in nicely, but there is a missing piece. It’s time now, after three years alone, to see the full picture. More than enough time has passed to move on.

Parents put so much time in to minding and making sure that our children are looked after that we forget about ourselves, and then, put life itself alongside that, and all of a sudden a few years have gone by and you don’t recognise the person in the mirror. The fact that your business is going well must be a great feeling, but, as you’re realising now, there are more things to life than just work and business. It is harder for you, though, because you are the business, so I think this might be a good place to start. It might be time now, because things are good, to bring in some help.

This will free up some time for you to spend with your son and, of course, it will give you time to have a proper look around for someone.

I can imagine that those evenings can be very lonely, and I do think scrolling through social media, like we all do, can add to this, when you see everyone else out having the craic and you sitting at home watching the world pass you by

 I was going to suggest maybe doing an online course in the evening, I did one last year and I got so much from it, but I do get that sense that you want more fun and spree and less of a college degree, so let’s focus on that.

Being in your early 50s, it’s fair to say that things have changed when it comes to dating. Long gone are the days when we walked across the dancehall to ask a girl to dance and didn’t stop until one said OK. Not speaking from experience of course, just a story I heard somewhere, obviously! Online didn’t work out the last time, but if you do have a friend who knows how that works, I would speak to them about it. Sorry, I don’t know much about it, other than it works for some and it’s not everybody’s cup of tea. It would be no harm to have a browse to see what’s out there. 

Be careful, though, I hear a lot of it is like a reverse Ronseal ad: It doesn’t do what it says on the tin. Might be the reason why you were put off the first time

You are very honest when you say it’s not about the sex, but ‘maybe a little’. It’s all part of it and, let’s be honest, you can’t beat a good ride! It’s good for the body and soul. When you really look at this, you’re not asking for a lot. It’s the simple things in life we all want when you pare all the crap back. On a serious note, companionship is where it’s at. If you haven’t that, you’ve nothing. Those cups of tea you speak about are key and so important.

To have someone sitting next to you watching TV and chilling is just bliss, and this knowing that your son is safely tucked in bed upstairs.

So let’s move this forward: We need to work on your confidence. You need to get back out there. With all this talk about online dating, people forget that you can still go out to the pub and meet someone. You have friends, now pick the right wing person to go with you. Let them know your plan; they will be 100% behind you.

Look at all that success that you have achieved in business. Apply that energy to this and you’ll be absolutely spot on. You have success written all over you; now you need to believe in you and the person you are.

So don’t worry: You won’t be alone for the rest of your life. Now all you have to do is find the right guy. It’s not an easy task, but I think we’re off to a great start here and let’s keep the positivity going, that’s very important.