Dear Dáithí: Should I invite my boozy in-laws and their children to my party?

Anyway, my husband's brother and family moved back from Australia last year and they came to the party. They have four kids, we don't have any, and it's really a grown-up’s party, I do signature cocktails and put a lot of effort into the menu, place settings and all that jazz.  

They brought nothing to the party, both parents got baloobas drunk, the kids were left to their own devices, the family didn’t gel with the other guests, and it was very stressful for me. I should mention, I don't click with his wife either, no drama, we just have nothing in common.  

I don't want to invite them this year, but my husband and his two sisters say I must, as they moved home to be closer to family and to leave them out would be very hurtful. I feel like it's my party, (without sounding like a spoilt brat!) and it's taking all the joy out of it for me. What should I do?  

First off, you’re not a weirdo, I love Easter and I think its a great time to bring friends and family together. I think its even better than Christmas because people have more time to sit down and chat. Christmas can have too many evenings with too many people and at the end of it you’re only fit to be locked up in a room on your own and you don’t want to see anyone for a month. So, Easter is a perfect time for this and as you say too, it’s a celebration of spring and the evenings getting longer. I was going to say Easter can have nice weather and it would be nice to have the party in the garden, but it's very early this year and you won’t be doing that. It would be one way of keeping some people sober though!

One thing I really love about occasions like this is when people that we don’t know forever come and they just fit in, like your two sisters in law. Not alone do they come for the fun; they help you out too with the planning and clean up. 

We need more people like this in our lives. The other family connection in all of this is your mom. She loved this time of year and always made a fuss, and I can really see now why this is such a special time of the year for you. 

You really can’t allow anyone to take this away from you. It’s who you are, and everyone needs to understand why. 

With the help of God, this party will going on many a year to come and because this is the case you need to sort this out now you might lose heart in it because of a few potholes on the road.

Ye don’t have children and I think this is another reason why this is a special event for you. Your husband’s brother has four children and you and I can only imagine the madness and excitement in the house at Christmas and that is brilliant and I’m sure you’re with me on that and are delighted for them. 

But I’m sure if you asked to be there on Christmas morning when the children go downstairs to see what Santa brought them, I wonder what would he say? Sometime like - "Well this is not how it works" and I’m sure they wouldn’t be long telling you. The only thing is you’d have the cop on not to do this. Well, your party has rules too and you should stick to them.

It must be great for your husband to have part of the family back from Australia and it's probably exciting for him and it's important for him to enjoy this time, but there will be plenty of other times during the year for the whole family to come together. You will have Communions, birthdays etc, etc, all when the clan will gather, just not for this one.

Now the best thing about last year was it was the first one with the new additions, so it will be easier to explain that that was a once off with the kids and this is an adult-only party. Here’s where your husband must step up, he needs to tell them this, this can’t come from you and shouldn’t really as it is his side of the family. You need to explain to him first though what this means to you, and I’ve said in this piece why I think it's so important to you, he might not even realize it, he might think its just an ordinary party, but he is wrong, it means a lot to you.

Even though you don’t want them at your party you will probably have to compromise, and that compromise is that the adults are invited, and you’re delighted to have them, but it’s a kid-free zone. Why would you even want to bring them when all you’re going to go off your head on drink like they did last year? I know you didn’t click with your other sister-in-law and maybe this is where you make an effort too, ask her into the gang, she might feel like an outsider and that might be why she had a few too many at the last party.

Bottom line here is that this is your party, and you must enjoy every second of it. Our Lord suffered on Easter week for all of us, there is no need for you to. This is your time to shine, otherwise the whole thing will fall apart, and the event is too important for that to happen. It will be good to clear the path too before all of this happens, you’ve a few weeks to get it sorted so start now as Easter will be in the door to you.

PS. Will you send me on that signature cocktail recipe...