Dear Dáithí: Can I be a godmother if I don’t believe in God?

My sister and brother-in-law (who I absolutely adore) have had their first baby. It’s the first grandchild in the family and we are all bursting with the excitement of it all. 

They have asked me to be the godmother. This is a huge privilege, especially as it’s looking very likely I will never have my own children. I’m thrilled to be asked to be a special part of my new niece’s life. 

The problem is my brother-in-law (and sister since they married) are quite religious and I’m worried about that part of it. 

I don’t go to Mass, and I don’t believe in God, as in the God from the bible. I suppose I am a humanist and I try to make kind choices because it’s the right thing to do, not because of a reward in some next lifetime. I don’t believe in heaven and hell. 

I know I would not be able to go into a church and say the things they need me to say — like renouncing the devil — I would feel like a big hypocrite. 

Also, what if something happened to my sister and brother-in-law, would they want me to raise my niece as a Catholic? 

I want to take my role seriously, but I don’t want to lose out on the chance to be a godmother if I raise these concerns with them. 

My family say I’m overthinking it, but a friend of mine says it would be dishonest to accept the role if I’m not going to do the most important part. 

What do you think?

There is nothing like a newborn to bring joy and cheer into a family, especially the first grandchild and being the first might just add to the tizzy you are in. 

This child will be seen as the golden child for a long while. I find that the second and third grandchild would have to win two All-Ireland medals in the one day to outshine the ‘golden one’. 

I came so far down the list of grandchildren that I never knew who the golden one even was, and it didn’t matter.

Now you have been asked to be the godparent, what a lovely gesture. This is a very big deal for parents too. 

I can only go on my own experience and when we sat down to pick godparents for Ógie we wanted to be sure we picked the right people for the right reasons. 

I think picking one from each side of the family or friends is a good idea, it generally keeps everyone happy. 

I do know one friend of mine who was really upset that they were not picked as godparent, and they are still bitter about it today. I told them they need to get over it. 

They were more worried about how they would look in the photos than anything else, this doesn’t seem to be the case with you, you are taking this job seriously and rightly so.

You are of course thrilled about being asked and if you do decide to take on the role, I do believe that you will play a special part in your niece’s life. 

I certainly think that I’ve a special bond with my godchildren, all three of them. One will be 21 in a month; I’d better get shopping. 

That’s only part of it though. Soon she will be out of college and I’ll remind her it’s payback time. 

You said in your letter that you very likely will never have your own children and if that is the case being a godparent can be the next best thing, depending on how much you really want to get involved.

OK, enough beating around the bush and straight to the dilemma. Your sister and brother-in-law are quite religious, and you are a humanist. 

It might seem that ye are at two opposite ends here, but I think we should look at the middle ground here. No matter what religion or no religion at all, ye are good people and believe in right from wrong.

You say you can’t go into a church and renounce the devil, that to me is only words. What that means to me is to stay away from bad and go towards good. 

The devil takes many forms and believe me I’ve met most of them. You don’t have to believe in heaven and hell, we have it every day on the news. 

Here we have more metaphors and mental images and no matter what you say it all goes back to the difference between good and evil.

Now, because your sister and brother-in-law have a strong Catholic faith you will need to talk to them, you are afraid that you might not be able to carry out your duties as a godparent. 

God (that you don’t believe in) forbid something happens to them. You are 100% right to address this now.

Here is a question only you can answer: If something did happen them, would you raise the child Catholic as her parents wished or follow your own heart? 

I think you need to think about this and have this chat with her parents, and this is where I believe the answer to your question will be. 

Either you will say sorry I can’t do it, or your sister and brother-in-law will say sorry we feel very strongly about this and it’s a dealbreaker.

Because you are dealing with this now it won’t be an issue with your sister in the future. Your honesty on the matter will shine through whatever the outcome. 

If you don’t take up the role, I think you will be happy that you have stuck to your principles. You can still have a great relationship with your niece — you don’t need a title to do that — and enjoy every minute of it.

To finish: Did you hear the one about the Catholic and humanist who walked into a bar? They got on — they were good people.