Is Paul Mescal and Andrew Scott's bromance a bond beyond beer and banter?
Mescal Joked People Menting Their Neither Are Bromance, Paul Despite Scott Like’ Poveda Picture: On Andrew That And Andres ‘bro
“It’s so funny,” actor Andrew Scott, points in a recent interview with , “ People are constantly talking about our bromance. But neither one of us are particularly bro-like.”
The Dubliner who shot to stardom playing 'hot priest' in Fleabag, was referring to his friendship with Paul Mescal and how they'd clicked on the set of their latest film, All of Us Strangers. In fact, they'd met years before at a charity event and "just sort of hung out". It helped that they had a lot of friends in common.
“I guess Bromance is the cliché term we all use,” the interviewer laughs, remarking how it's the first thing want to talk about, even ahead of the movie in which they play lovers.
“Exactly,” Mescal adds. “And there you go. Therein lies the problem. But if you mean our friendship? Yes, it grew throughout the filming process, and it continues to grow. The great thing about acting is that it forces you to skip the civil polite bits and you are thrown into the deep end and you have to either sink or swim.
“You get to know someone without having to go through the whole ‘where do you come from, what’s your star sign…’ adds Scott, who refers to his co-star as ‘Paulie’ . “You figure out the dynamics of a person through interpreting another character”.
From Ant and Dec, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, Brian O'Driscoll and Craig Doyle, and yes, even Zig and Zag, we are often too quick to reduce the bonds between men as frivolous or twee.
Bromances, aka non-sexual intimate relationship between men, are usually portrayed on TV as slapstick - something just for laughs, an atypical bond, a step above the perceived low-quality male friendships based around beer and banter.
Yet such representations are a selective, and usually inaccurate portrayal of the relationship’s men build and sustain.
In the case of Brad Pitt and George Clooney, their friendship was so delighted upon in real life (George Clooney says his relationship with Pitt is his ‘longest-lasting affair’), that it extended across into fiction via the movies. In the blockbuster franchise, their characters even finish each other’s sentences. In one scene, Pitt walks into a hotel room to find Clooney watching Oprah. They both end up in tears.
Sociologist and author, Dr Michael Kimmel who wrote , a study of young-male friendships, believes that bromance extends beyond celebrity. He says it's due to changes in the way we live, and that delaying big life decisions, such as marriage, has also changed male friendships.
“In the world of Guyland, portrayed by movies like and the motto ‘bros before hos’ rules: it values male friendship as the most important thing.' He told the Examiner. "There is a demographic revolution, because guys feel no pressure to get married or have children. It’s a refusal to grow up, in some ways, a way to avoid adult responsibility.”
Again, a perhaps reductive way to perceive the nuances of male love. But why are we so quick to dismiss the deep connections among men when it comes to friendship?
Dr Richard Layte is Professor of Sociology at Trinity College Dublin. He believes that bromances shouldn't be underestimated.
“They provide a source of emotional support for men which many would otherwise lack,” he points out.
“Men and women have different friendship networks in form and function on average, but at the individual level, men and women vary in the kinds of relationships that they need and manage to form.” Bromance is a connection that is both ridiculed and viewed suspiciously precisely because it doesn’t fit the population norm.
It's also based around stereotypes of wider social norms about relationships," Richard explains.
“Men tend to have wider groups, and tend to meet in groups around certain activities. For example, perhaps they support a rugby team and arrange to watch the matches together and form a WhatsApp groups based around that. They might even break into smaller pockets to those groups, but for the most part, the interactions are often based around slagging each other and joking about. Women tend to have a different pattern when it comes to friendships. They often have small intimate groups where they value emotional intimacy. This can sometimes become a tension in adolescent girls where they are all vying to be part of this small network," he adds.
So is our recent rush to embrace bromance a sign of a new wave of emotional intelligence?
“I suspect it’s because the changes in our society over time,” points out Richard. “In the 80s and 90s, we had the concept of ‘new man’; someone who would now change nappies, who was emotionally open and vulnerable, much more emotionally literate and insightful than previous generations. Of course, we know that human biology didn’t just change overnight. But it was a function of a wider acceptance in society. Bromance is a function of that too. We often need a word in order to embrace these acceptances. Bromance is a label that means we can now talk about it. Remember, if you don’t have the language for something, it’s much more difficult to have that conversation.”
But for those labelled unmasculine or emotionally vivacious when it came to those friendships, being able to better articulate the forms of masculinity they are inhabiting, means they are choosing to reclaim it.
Michael Pedersen is a prize-winning Scottish poet and author. He is currently Writer in Residence at The University of Edinburgh. His prose debut, 'Boy Friends', was published by Faber & Faber in 2022 in the UK & North America and was a Sunday Times Critics Choice.
“I always felt an irregular fit for the algebra of male friendship that I was taught to adhere to" he admits. " It was a roll call for which I consistently fell short during my boyhood years. I was too sloppy; too sentimental; too silly; too desperate for their love; too easily a greeter face..."
When Pedersen suffered the loss what he calls “the most the most valuable friendship I’ve ever had”, he began reflecting on the memory of it. It prompted him to write a memoir about that relationship.
“The loss of you has knocked the big cosmic balance off-kilter.” He writes in the novel, which is really an ode to a male friendship that looked set to last forever but didn’t.
“I delved into this unusual middle terrain whereby men let spill their concerns and trepidations under the caveat of sport or the indorsed occasion of drinking together,” explains Pedersen. “Both parlours grant these men the emotional permission to unfurl their vulnerabilities under the guise and protection of a more stable narrative—the watching of sport, the sense of occasion.”
He believes that not only are these types of interactions important, but they are vital.
“Many males of this emotionally restrained persuasion will become part of the loneliness epidemic," he says, 'held back by their own shame, or inhibitions, from truly expressing themselves.
Unable to invite other male friends out for a walk, or to dinner, or to confab with them on matters vital to their heart and well-being.
“At best, this mode of feeling comes hand-in-hand with unfulfilled emotional potential.
At worst, it is a killer.