Richard Hogan: The culture of violence against women in Ireland — how do we deal with it?

As a father of three daughters and husband to a primary school teacher, I have found myself ruminating on this case. Questions reverberate in my mind:

What happens to someone, that they view an innocent girl out jogging as prey?

How could someone do that to another human being?

How could a father of children have zero empathy for someone else’s child?

What went down in his life, to create a monster?

How does the Murphy family start to live again after an incomprehensible evil visits their life?

263 women have been lost due to violence since 1996. That’s a harrowing statistic. As Women’s Aid said in their response to this case: “263 women whose voices have been silenced through violence, and whose boundless potential was robbed of them and their loved ones”.

Thankfully random acts of violence perpetrated by strangers are rare, but we still have a culture of violence against women in this country. Coercive control is one of the most problematic and devastating experiences in many homes. I have worked with so many families torn apart by the coercive behaviour of their daughter's boyfriend. Of course, women coercively control men too, but in my experience, women are predominantly the victims of this type of subjugating behaviour.

I have often analysed, wondering what makes someone think controlling a partner absolutely and brutally is the only way to have power in a relationship. Why do they want to exert such power over someone they say they love?

In my experience, the perpetrator often views themself as a victim in life. They might have experienced a traumatic childhood or believe they have always been wronged or feel powerless and therefore they come to the terrible conclusion: 'Because this happened to me I am going to do this to you". There is a profound lack of self-confidence at the core of someone who coercively controls their partner. That does not excuse their behaviour, but it gives context to it. Thankfully recent legislation has given An Garda Síochána the power to prosecute in such cases.

As a society, we have to look at the messages we give our children to try to eliminate the types of violent attacks we continue to see committed in this country against women, perpetrated by men. What can we do we protect them? I have long been an advocate for action to prevent our children from consuming pornography. I can’t believe I’m still advocating for this nearly 10 years since I first talked about it. I often feel like I’m shouting in an empty field. There seems to be absolutely zero political will to prevent our children from viewing women being tied up, dominated, choked, spat on, consent taken from them and beaten.

Why is it that we protect children from vaping, alcohol, drugs, etc but we still have nothing in place to prevent them from consuming hardcore extreme material? As the chairperson on the board of a Nation Advisory Council, I hear from principals and parents all over this country. Last year a principal told me that a Senior Infant had consumed hardcore material.

Recently in my clinic, I worked with an eight-year-old boy who was talking to his mother in an incredibly sexualised way. In our conversations, it became very obvious he was watching endless pornography.

In another case, a child was drawing explicit images in class, and once again it emerged in our conversations that pornography was driving this interest.

I have worked with so many couples where pornography has completely destroyed their intimacy. It is a hidden taboo that is impacting the lives of so many people in this country. True intimacy is a restorative and healing experience — that connection is vital for our wellbeing. To give that away for pornography has a detrimental impact on a healthy relationship and pushes the consumer into an isolated hell. It also gives boys the dangerous message that girls like to have consent taken from them and they are unfeeling objects of desire. Is this the message we want to place in the minds of our young children?

Sexual curiosity is normal, and we should not make our children feel shameful for being curious. But we have to prevent them from satiating that normal curiosity with hard-core explicit images.

I have worked with the wonderful people of Ruhama and Women’s Aid and I have talked with many inspiring women who have been trafficked into the sex industry. Pornography drives sexual compulsivity and creates a market for sex trafficking. Viewing hardcore material impacts the reward centre of the brain, by firing dopamine. The more hardcore the image the more dopamine the hit, and so a cycle of addiction is created.

We have to bring in legislation to prevent our children from consuming these damaging images. I know it is complicated and difficult, but doing nothing isn’t an option. I’m not a prude, but I just know that if a child has a seed of vulnerability and they view something extreme and sexually violent it can be the fuel that fires a pathological interest in sex. I would think that preventing this should be of the utmost importance.

What must happen for politicians to finally take action?