Ask Audrey: What the Irish men's soccer team needs is a former Ramblers player to manage them
Ask Audrey:
C’mere, what’s the story with keeping Cork people away from the levers of power? For all the talk of well done old chap, the fact is the Irish rugby team came home early from the World Cup because they didn’t have Ronan O’Gara in charge.
And the Irish men’s soccer team is worse than Cobh Ramblers, which is ironic because what they need is a former Ramblers player to manage them, and yes I am talking about Roy Keane.
I was never a huge fan of Micheál Martin because he’s involved with Nemo, but it’s obvious to everyone that the country has fallen apart since he moved aside to let Leo in as Taoiseach.
And isn’t it about time that a Cork man (or woman #equality) was elected President of Ireland? Here’s what I think Audrey. Cork people are too modest, we’re too slow to step forward and say “I’ll do that for you.”
The result is the important jobs in Ireland are done by gomies from Dublin and England, with predictable results.
As we know, the definition of insanity is giving a job to someone who isn’t from Cork and hoping that everything will turn out okay.
It’s surely time to put a stop to this, and I think we should start with a campaign to get Roy Keane as manager of the Irish soccer team. Can you give him a call there?
Hello, it’s Rosealeen here from Ballydesmond. God protect me from people who hate North Cork.
I’m seeing a lad from Crosshaven, recently divorced, full of suppressed anger, it’s given him a grand bit of vim in the bedroom, you can’t beat the old anger.
Well, didn’t he bring me down to meet his mother last weekend and it was like I was magically transported across to England.
A huge old pile of a house at the end of a long drive, ponies in the paddock, some class of a butler answered the door and I’d say it was 1997 when he last cracked a smile.
But he was still better craic than the mother, Jesus you’d swear she’d just been told she won a house in Scartaglin judging by the scowl on her face.
Didn’t it turn out that her relations had a big house in Ballydesmond that was burned down by the IRA in the 1920s and she has a thing against people from Duhallow ever since.
It got so bad that the old dragon wouldn’t let me have a Viscount biscuit when tea was served, I was reduced to a few Malted Milks that were as fresh as a head of lettuce on the moon.
How can I tell your man that his mother is a thundering bitch?
It’s getting angry on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Don’t Like Our House-Keepers Smoking in their Spare Time.
It started when Lola_Lolz started trolling Fifi_10GRandChin because she saw her housekeeper smoking on the Grand Parade on Sunday morning.
We turned on Lola, because a Douglas Road Stunner has no business on the Grand Parade, particularly on a Sunday morning. But still, Fifi isn’t blameless here either.
The fact is, if you hire someone to help clean your house, they are representing your personal brand 24/7 whether they like it or not, and we all know smoking is for Norries.
I sat my own housekeeper down after her shift yesterday and said, sorry now Fiona but I need to know if you smoke.
She said, like most people, she likes a cigarette after a few drinks. I said, I don’t know any people like that Fiona, you need to be more careful who you hang around with.
Not only did she quit there and then, she lit a cigarette in my driveway and flounced off down the Douglas Road.
I’m terrified that she’ll go on TikTok saying I’m a wagon to deter future housekeepers and I’ll end up cleaning my own house, it’s enormous. How can I get her to come back?
The blessing of old Ireland on you and your family, I’m landing in Cork airport this week and going to visit my home place of my ancestors.
We’re meeting up with my cousins in Kilmallock. What would be a good present to give somebody from that lovely part of the world?
It will obviously be your first time in South Limerick. I rang the post office in Kilmallock there and said, what would you like more than anything else in the world? The woman said, a house in Cork, or even Waterford, I just want people to stop feeling sorry for me. So now you know.
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