Listen - Ask Audrey: 'I hear Rosealeen from Ballydesmond swings both ways'
Ages Sorting Cork Out For Has Ask Audrey People Been
Hello, it’s Ros e aleen here in Ballydesmond, how can I help you today sir or madam? Ah feck it, this new job in the call centre is after taking over my mind, you’d be addled from it.
It wasn’t so bad when they had me working from home, there’s a kind of perverted pleasure in helping people renew their insurance in your knickers.
Well wasn’t that wrecked the other day when they summoned us all into the office in Cork on Monday for something called a town hall, where some 35-year-old blouse of a one tried to motivate us with her American accent.
I was the oldest person there by a few years I can tell you, my colleagues are so trendy that even the women have man-buns.
Anyway didn’t we go to a bar afterwards, and I want to have a word with the gowl who said young people can’t drink any more, because he obviously hasn’t met my lot.
The last thing I remember was being cancelled for telling the truth about personal hygiene in Scartaglin, and the next morning, didn’t I wake up in bed with my boss.
A woman no less, the same woman who was trying to motivate us with her American accent.
Don’t ask me if there was any how’s your father because my mind is still as foggy as a fine day in Knocknagree.
Oh lads, I’ll be a bag of nerves in Mass on Sunday in case the priest gets up and says I hear Ros e aleen from Ballydesmond swings both ways, he’s a fright for the gossip. Should I ask my boss if we did the biz, tell me?
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So, what’s the best way to give the eye on the sly when you’re jogging?
N ow listen up, Paddy.
I’ve just engaged the top King’s Counsel here in London to sue West Cork for false advertising.
One hadn’t a clue what the locals were saying when I popped over for a dirty weekend with Flicky Higginbottom’s wife.
We spent half a day in Bandon, which was half a day too long as hardly any of the people we met sounded like Graham Norton.
It is one’s view, shared by my barrister, that West Cork should not be sending Norton over to London without a warning that his mode of speaking isn’t representative of the norm.
When a local started speaking to me outside Dunmanway, I asked him to speak into my phone so it could translate his gibberish into Queen’s English.
The damn thing detected his language as Serbo-Armenian, which doesn’t even exist.
I did encounter one group in West Cork with upper-class English accents, but they were hippies unfortunately and one gagged at the whiff of stinky cheese.
Is there anything can be done to make West Cork natives speak properly?
It’s getting Baltic on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners who Are Actually Thinking of Moving to Kerry Because of the Temperatures This Week.
Fifi_IncrediblyTonedArms said you wouldn’t mind people assuming you were a clueless muck-savage if you could enjoy the 20 degrees they had in Kerry on Monday .
I for one have had enough of the 12 degrees we’re getting here in Cork Audrey, you’d swear we were jinxed.
Sorry, but what’s the point of living in the best city in the world if you have to wear your three-grand cashmere coat (Brown Thomas) in April.
Do you think we should move?
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