Colman Noctor: Gender equality is about equal opportunity for boys and girls

The latest report from the CSL series (2019 – 2023) explores the different experiences of boys and girls and found that gender stereotyping is still an issue.

The children associated ‘good boys’ with intelligence and strength and ‘good girls’ with kindness.

Older girls showed less gender stereotyping, but older boys showed more; they had become more ingrained.

This finding suggests that we are missing something in how we teach boys about gender differences and a failure to question their seemingly narrow view of gender.

With concerns about the rise in misogyny in teenage boys and the popularity of influencers like Andrew Tate, we need to do more to support boys in developing a better understanding of what it means to be a boy and challenge toxic narratives, which are worryingly influential.

When it came to ‘learning engagement’, girls in the study were more engaged than boys and performed better, especially in terms of literacy.

Boys were more likely to feel disengaged academically, but showed more interest in maths than girls.

Girls experienced more anxiety about maths, especially in senior primary school classes.

Perhaps this is a legacy issue as maths is linked to male-dominated professions in the STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) professions. 

And while I believe this is due to the impact of socialisation rather than anything innate, it shows the powerful influence of narratives in shaping our belief in our capabilities.

Girls also reported higher levels of anxiety than boys, especially regarding class tests, and felt they were held to higher behavioural standards than boys.

The study found that children are sensitive to any perceived difference in the application of ‘rules’, often interpreting this in terms of gender.

Boys’ disruptive behaviour, for example, was frequently normalised, perhaps owing to the enduring ‘boys will be boys’ narrative. The researchers noted that quieter children may feel relatively ‘invisible’ in the classroom, suggesting that visibility is often achieved when someone misbehaves instead of being recognised for positive behaviour. It’s what I would call the ‘squeaky wheel syndrome’.

One interaction documented in the report captures this.

Gendered interests

The study found that ‘gendered interests’ were still prominent. In a finding that echoes through the generations, boys were likelier to engage in team sports, while girls preferred activities like dance and music.

When it came to ‘social connectivity’, the girls in single-sex schools reported having stronger social bonds than the boys, but also having fewer friends.

Interestingly, the girls who attended co-ed schools reported witnessing more bullying, while the girls in the single-sex schools said they were less likely to report being bullied. This is likely because boys tend to engage in more overt bullying behaviour compared to girls.

Furthermore, the fear of retribution in all-girls environments may deter some girls from reporting bullying to teachers or parents. While this fear is common among boys, in the stories I have heard, the retribution sought among girls can be more ferocious, with the repercussions lasting far longer.

Encouragingly, the girls were more likely to agree that boys and girls can do equally well in tasks. However, the boys in the all-boys schools were least likely to agree with this perspective.

This finding reflects persistent gender biases within some primary schools and begs the question of whether it is being amplified in all-boys schools.

When encouraging children to move away from traditional gender roles, we advocate messages for girls like, ‘In a room full of princesses, you can be Batman’; and for boys, ‘If you want to play with a Barbie instead of an Action Man, that’s fine’.

However, we must be careful and reassure children that if a girl likes pink, a boy likes blue, a girl wants to dress as a princess, or a boy wants to play with an Action Man, that’s fine, too.

We live in a world that often seeks concrete clarity, putting people in boxes of either-or instead of both-and.

While I accept that narratives like ‘boys will be boys’ should never be used to excuse misbehaviour or result in it being normalised, we need to let young boys know that liking stereotypical ‘boy things’ is OK, too. Likewise, for young girls, we need to allow them to express their feminine side, if they want to, and not pressure them in to adopting masculine traits.

Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls, and that’s OK. It’s not about making both genders the same, but removing any obstacles that stand in the way of girls wanting to do boy things and boys wanting to do girl things.

Gender equality is about equal opportunity, not about both genders being the same.

It’s critical to teach children that everyone deserves respect, regardless of gender or how they express themselves. We need to encourage empathy and kindness when discussing differences and not make children feel bad for their preferences. This can be achieved if we promote a space for open dialogue. By creating a safe space for children to ask questions and share their thoughts about gender, we can use their curiosity as potential teaching moments: “Why do you think people say that? Let’s talk about it.”

No quick fix

As much as we aspire to be an equal-opportunity society, we still have some way to go.

Trade-based professions are still primarily seen as a male domain. Careers in primary school teaching and nursing are primarily female professions, and the adage ‘If you can’t see it, you can’t be it’ may suggest that what children see in real life usurps any ideologies taught in the classroom.

The most effective way we can challenge narrow perspectives of gender is to model inclusivity and diversity. Simple examples include, pointing out males and females who defy tradition and who work in areas predominantly made up of the opposite sex and parents sharing household chores equally without attaching gender expectations to them.

While there is no ‘quick fix’ for gender inequality, Nordic countries seem to be leading the way.

Many Swedish schools have curricula designed to challenge traditional gender roles and promote equality values.

Iceland also incorporates gender equality in to its national curriculum, where schools focus on breaking stereotypes and teaching respect for all genders from a young age.

The holy grail is ‘gender mainstreaming’, a strategy for achieving equality by integrating a gender perspective in to all policies, programmes, and institutional practices.

The aim is to ensure that the diverse needs and experiences of all genders are considered in decision-making processes and outcomes, thereby reducing inequalities while also promoting equity.

We have a responsibility to help our children grow in to respectful, empathetic, and open-minded individuals.

The findings of the CSL study may suggest we have a way to go, but implementing a both-and philosophy instead of an either-or is a good starting point.

Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist