Joanna Fortune: Children's bedtime routine is upset on nights Dad gets home late 

It’s understandable but frustrating when they are too tired to get up for playschool and the creche in the morning.

I work full-time, too, but my hours are child-friendly. We need to find a solution, but I don’t want to get in the way of bonding time with daddy. 

What would you suggest?

Isn’t it lovely how excited they are to hear him return and how they immediately want to play? 

When our children greet us with ‘play with me’, what they are really saying is ‘connect with me’, which is such a healthy request after the prolonged separation caused by the working/school day.

However, your children are very young, and an early bedtime is essential to ensure they get enough sleep to get them (and you) through the next day. 

If dad knows he will be working late, even at short notice, ensure he gives the children a video call half an hour before bedtime. 

During this call, they can play a few games such as mirroring funny faces (one pulls a funny face and the other mirrors it, rotating turns), telling a story (dad can ensure he has a storybook in the office for these moments), and hearing about their day. 

Then he says goodnight, encourages them to settle down, and tells them that he will see them in the morning for breakfast together. 

That way, they have had their (re)connection with him and are not staying highly alert to the front door, anticipating his return.

Another option is if you have a back door to your home, dad could access the house more discreetly and quietly through it and stay downstairs/away from bedrooms while the children are getting off to sleep.

When he gets home on time, he can put the children to bed while you stay downstairs. This division of labour gives you a needed break and shows the children that a different parent looks after bedtime on different evenings. 

Switching things up means they will not always expect to have either their dad or you in the evening.

Predictability is key. Keep the children’s bedtime routine calm and consistent no matter which of you is in charge. 

If they say they want to wait for dad to come home, remind them that he played with them, said his goodnight on the phone, and that they will have more playtime together over breakfast. 

Then redirect them into the present moment by asking them to close their eyes, take deep belly breaths (pre-schoolers will certainly be able to do this), and keep their eyes closed so that they can catch a dream while they sleep and can tell you about that dream in the morning time.

With busy working schedules that don’t always lend themselves to the early bedtimes of very young children, we have to get creative with our playful connections and maximise those small windows of playtime we might be getting each day. 

I developed the 15-minute parenting practice to provide consistent windows of daily playful connection between parents and their children.

This podcast episode about shared activities might be a helpful source of ideas for simple yet effective play: exa.mn/15-Minute-Connection

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie