Colman Noctor: Watching television as a family can boost emotional health 

Television shows I watched in my childhood and early adulthood played a significant role in shaping the views, opinions and beliefs I still hold today. Whether it was learning about good and bad ( Fortycoats & Co), the value of being of service to others ( Littlest Hobo), absences and loss are part of life ( Highway to Heaven), or mimicking a turn of phrase or fashion styles ( Friends), the characters and storyline of these television shows influenced who I was or wanted to be.

Modern-day television content doesn’t seem to impact children's development as much. In the same way, it appears that bands have far less influence on their growing-up experience. We have gone from an album to a song culture, which has limited our range of experiences. British TV personality Richard Osman points out that from 1990 to 1995, bands held the number-one spot in the UK charts for 141 weeks. However, between 2014 and 2019, a band held the number one position for three weeks. Similar changes can be seen in our communal enjoyment of television. It has become far more common for us to watch a TV show on a handheld device alone with headphones than come together and watch it collectively.

Plenty has been written about the impact of TV shows on younger audiences, like Peppa Pig or Bluey. However, far less is discussed regarding content for slightly older children and younger teens — those who are too old for Peppa but too young for Game of Thrones. This in-between age group is more likely to turn to platforms like YouTube and TikTok for their entertainment sources, a pity because watching content on streaming platforms alone might result in a generation that will never get to experience the enjoyment of watching TV programmes together. There is the counterargument of ‘so what’, but I would propose that communal viewing is integral to the developmental and entertainment process.

Much is to be gained from the shared experience of watching a programme and connecting about various aspects of what we liked or disliked. The ability to binge-watch most TV series removes an element of the communal experience of waiting for a week to see the next episode. Line of Duty is the last series I can remember that gradually released episodes and created a stir of anticipation and numerous watercooler conversations as we collectively pondered who the infamous ‘H’ was. There was something important in the shared excitement of finding out how something ends together. With the domination of modern streaming platforms, we may never experience the shared curiosity akin to when the world deliberated over ‘Who shot JR?’.

When technology gives us what we want at the cost of what we need

Young children now share content instead of experiences. Discussing YouTube shorts or TikTok videos, which is perhaps an evolution of the ‘shared experience’, is different from sharing the experience of a gradually released TV series involving a plot that unfolds every week, missing yet another opportunity for important human connection. It's another example of technology giving us what we want at the cost of what we need.

Children today seem to be pickier when viewing content for entertainment. Whether that is a natural consequence of the tyranny of choice, it's increasingly difficult to find an experience that children of different ages can enjoy or agree on. When I suggest to my children that we watch an old classic like The Goonies or Back to the Future, there is a collective eye roll. By the time the opening credits (much longer in the ’80s) are finished, there have been at least two suggestions to ‘Watch something else’.

However, I had a recent experience where we watched something together as a family, and we managed to get to the end credits without anyone wanting to leave the room.

A few months ago, I was asked to consult on a script for a new TV show being made for RTÉ called The Unreal. The story, a cross between Bosco and Stranger Things, follows the experience of the Kelly family on a reluctant family staycation in a dilapidated holiday park in Ireland. However, this holiday park isn’t as dull as it initially seems to 12-year-old Kevin, his screen-obsessed sister Katie and their distracted parents. Before long, Kevin unearths a path to a fairy world with complex characters, and things get interesting.

The part of the storyline I was asked to contribute to was how 12-year-old Kevin was portrayed in the story and how the theme of parental mental illness was written into the story. The dynamic between Kevin and his father was immediately of interest to me. It becomes clear that Kevin’s father is suffering from depression, frequently ‘taking to the bed’ and lacking any enthusiasm. The storyline provides the viewer with an insight into how parental mental distress impacts all family members and how they, in turn, react to or understand this behaviour. 

Kevin’s mother seems frustrated with her husband’s apathy and while she tries to cover for him occasionally, you can see that it is taking its toll on her. Kevin’s sister is so disconnected from the family and connected to her online persona that, on the surface, she seems unaffected by her dad’s behaviour. Kevin seems to worry that his dad’s struggles might linked to him getting in trouble at school, and he fears his dad might not love him anymore.

This experience of disconnection is not uncommon in families, yet it’s rarely discussed. When a parent is experiencing overt mental distress, children can inaccurately assume that it is somehow their fault; if they were more lovable, then their parents wouldn’t feel as sad or anxious. 

TV shows like The Unreal can provide essential conversation points for discussing and understanding difficult topics like parental mental illness, and identification with the characters can open up that discussion in a once-removed way.

Relatable topics

I sent my observations and impressions to the writers, and some months later, the production team kindly sent me an advanced copy of the series to view at home; I set aside a Saturday evening to watch it.

That Saturday, I did my usual process of bribing my three children to come into the sitting room to watch the show. When I suggested we watch The Unreal, the customary groans ensued, with an additional sarcastic, air quote accompanied by a claim, “This is just Dad is trying to give us another learning moment”. I put it on, and despite the initial grumblings, all three seemed to get into it. Ordinarily, it can be challenging to get something that holds the attention of a nine-year-old, a 12-year-old and a 14-year-old, but The Unreal did. The series consists of four episodes, and I was shocked that when the first one finished, all three asked that I put on the second one.

Watching this short series together was interesting as it initiated conversations about various aspects of the storyline and characters. That it is a very Irish production made it relatable, and the contemporary topics around screen use, accompanied by the presence of an old VHS video recorder as a core aspect of the plot, offered a rare opportunity for both generations to discuss these aspects.

The relatability of the characters was key to why my children enjoyed the series. Kevin struggles with academics and friendships in school, and he shares many of the insecurities that most early teenagers experience. Also, older sister Katie’s obsession with her smartphone and preoccupation with ‘entertaining her followers’ led to an interesting discussion about the lure of ‘influencer culture’. Interestingly, my children did not see Katie as a caricature of self-obsession but thought her behaviour was quite normal. My daughter did not view the character’s obsession with her online persona as problematic and worryingly suggested she would like to be like her. All in all, the familiarity of The Unreal led to conversations that otherwise might not have happened.

So, if, like me, you have children at different stages of development and are struggling to find something they and you might all watch together, perhaps try The Unreal on the RTÉ Player.

• Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist