Joanna Fortune: My teenage daughter wants to lose weight
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There is a difference between being more mindful and conscious of food choices and disordered eating. It is difficult for me to assess which territory you are in with your daughter.
You describe it as ‘fussy eating’, a typical early childhood stage when a child refuses certain foods because of look, texture, or smell or simply because they can refuse them. This is typically a developmental phase that passes as they grow. (I am referring here to neurotypical children, but it can be a very different experience for neurodiverse children.)
Taste buds change and develop over time, and we can see this as people grow up and become more open to eating a variety of foods they had previously refused.
I wonder if your daughter is more of a ‘selective eater’ than a ‘fussy eater’, and she is refusing what she would previously have eaten because it doesn’t fit within her new fitness goals.
Amid all the hormonal, emotional, and cognitive changes of adolescence, she is likely also dealing with changes to her body. It sounds like she has developed some goals around her fitness and body, and changes in her eating are a part of this.
Avoid placing an emotional charge around food, so don’t argue or battle with her about food.
Get out of the house for a walk or drive with her alone and tell her that you have noticed how hard she is working at her health and fitness goals and that you want to support her with these.
Tell her that a common misconception is that to be healthy, we need to eliminate a food group, such as carbs, which isn’t true. We need carbs for energy and as part of a healthy, balanced diet.
Let her know she needs to ensure she is eating enough to have adequate energy to fuel her busy, demanding days and growing body.
If it is within your means, I suggest you book her in for a consultation with a registered dietician (one who works with teenagers) to get independent advice.
Sometimes, our teenagers can hear a message more clearly from someone other than their parents.
Also, as she is attending a gym, you could connect with a trainer or gym manager there and ask if they would do an individual consultation to ensure she is working out safely and not overdoing it.
Your daughter wants to live a healthy lifestyle with balanced food and exercise choices, which is not a bad thing, but I understand your fear. Eating disorders are something I hear about a lot in my clinical work.
If your worry persists, I suggest you connect with an organisation like Bodywhys ( bodywhys.ie) and consult your GP.
- You might find this episode of my podcast on eating disorders helpful: exa.mn/15-Minutes-Eating-Disorders.
- If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie