Expert tips to make Halloween less scary, especially for neuro-divergent children

“Halloween is ghoulish by nature, and children will have different thresholds for what they’re comfortable with. There can be a lot of sensory issues to contend with — the darkness, combined with potential for people or decorations to pop out and startle, being in an uncomfortable or restrictive costume. And toddlers in costumes can attract a lot of adult attention, which can be overwhelming.”

Psychotherapist and author of 15-Minute Parenting Dr Joanna Fortune says the line between what is real and what is imaginary can be very fine for young children. “They can confuse costumes with being a real witch or vampire. At this age, something can quickly cross from being fun to being scary. Under-sevens are very much immersed in a rich imaginative play stage and they can be susceptible to a fear like this.”

Fortune adds that many children’s preexisting fears, such as fear of the dark or spiders, can be amplified at Halloween. “And a child who doesn’t like the darker side of play and dressing up will really dislike Halloween.”

Overwhelming for some children

Smyth points out that neuro-divergent children, including those who are autistic, can find Halloween overwhelming.

Carrigaline-based Sharon McCarthy can testify to this. Describing herself as a ‘mom in a wonderfully neuro-divergent household’, she is a mother of six — some of her children are in their 20s, some are teens, while her youngest is nine. McCarthy recalls one of her children wanting to go trick-or-treating around their local estate.

“My child got to the third house — and wanted to go home. Someone had a mask he didn’t like. He was terrified, experiencing real, significant distress — and afterwards frustration with himself, ‘why is this so difficult for me?’.”

McCarthy, a neurodiversity-affirming lecturer at UCD, is herself a “late-identified autistic ADHDer”. She says autistic children thrive in predictability — and when things aren’t predictable it can cause them to feel they’re not safe. At Halloween, the familiar world loses its predictability, and it can be difficult for the child to navigate spaces, she says.

“The houses, the child’s own house, can look different to what they usually do, with decorations on windows, doors, in gardens. It means the walk to school has changed. And the spaces the child navigates in school — classrooms, corridors — may look very different.”

For sensitive children, trick-or-treating adds another layer of unpredictability. “They can’t be certain how anybody will respond to them or their costume. The neighbours they’re used to meeting suddenly have a different engagement style — ‘Oh, my God, angels are the best!’ or ‘this is the best costume ever’ or ‘Aren’t you cute?’. All that can feel overwhelming, and the young person can feel there’s a demand on them to perform,” McCarthy says, adding that any level of change can be experienced as unpredictability. “And unpredictability is very frequently a cause of anxiety for young people.”

Recalling that it took her child “weeks to down-regulate” after the trick-or-treating experience, McCarthy explains: “Dysregulation that comes from a feeling of lack of safety can create a difficulty re-engaging. It takes a while to trust that people aren’t going to break the pattern again, that the space is once again predictable.”

If you have neuro-divergent or sensitive children, McCarthy encourages stepping outside society’s expectations about what Halloween and its activities should look like and putting no expectation on your child for conformity with activities many other children are engaging in.

“Often, with dress-up events, for example, you’ll see autistic children begin to ‘mask’ more or present in a way they feel others expect them to. So they’re belying their own internal experiences. And if they’re good at masking, it can contribute to the pressure they feel.”

To people who say trick-or-treating “at three houses is no big deal”, McCarthy says for some children, one house can be huge. “It can be too much. Parents should know it is OK to honour your child’s voice and to create your own family traditions for celebrating Halloween.”

She advises parents to talk about Halloween well ahead of the day and check in with children about what feels comfortable. “Sometimes they’ll say they want to go trick-or-treating and then be hiding behind your legs. Hear and acknowledge the words your child is saying — but also attune to their whole body. They might be saying, ‘It’s fine’, but their body speaks to a different experience.”

She recommends having “an escape plan” — removing the child to what they feel is a safe place, which you have both identified ahead, such as the car or under the tree on the green. “We always feel safer when we know how to remove ourselves. It makes it easier to be in a space.”

McCarthy finds the “battery” analogy helpful when considering how much energy your child will need for a Halloween event. “What charges your child’s battery? What drains it? If you know an event is going to be draining for them, get them engaging in activities that charge their battery during or after.

“Ensure the child has access to multiple means of sensory regulation — squeezing a ball, having a drink to hand or chewing a crunchy food. Organise in advance squeezes or self-hugs or a big bear-hug from you.”

With her own children, she always had an alternative Halloween back-up plan. “I organise additional treats, a little pop-up bed in the sitting room, a movie at home. And if one child isn’t comfortable with a particular movie, we wouldn’t engage with that film, so there’s a real honouring of the child in that moment.”

For children who want to trick-or-treat but are apprehensive, Smyth suggests role-playing trick-or-treat around the house, practising wearing a costume or seeing somebody wear a mask. “It may mean only trick-or-treating with familiar people — family, friends or well-known neighbours. Warn them that your child is nervous about speaking to strangers or being crowded.”

She recommends considering the child’s need to feel at ease with their costume. “Plan costumes that are comfortable and not a million miles away from the child’s usual clothes. Vampires can add a cape to their day-to-day clothes, witches or wizards can add a hat, or a prop such as a broom.”

Tips to dial down the fear factor

Any child — neuro-divergent or neuro-typical — can feel scared for any number of reasons at Halloween. Fortune has these tips for dialling down the fear factor:

• Practice Halloween at home in the lead-up to October 31. Dress up in costumes and then de-role, so your child can see that it is still you inside the costume, and ‘it’s just a costume, it doesn’t change us’;
• Practice door-knocking on your own door — have your child go from the back door around to the front and knock while you open. They can practice their trick-or-treat greeting and a song if asked or say, ‘I don’t like to sing, thank you’;
• Focus on fun crafts in the lead-up and add Halloween games such as apple-bobbing and pumpkin-decorating;
• Offer to host a Halloween party for close family and friends at home in the afternoon — and that can be your celebration, without going out in the dark or knocking on doors;
• Watch a fun but not scary Halloween movie (or any movie they like instead) while eating popcorn or chocolate-dipped apple slices as a special treat cuddled up under a blanket together.

And remember, as Smyth puts it: “Halloween can be a lot of fun — but it doesn’t have to look the same for everybody.”