Colman Noctor: Should parents track or trust their teenagers?

A 2023 report by Burnell and colleagues published in the Journal of Family Psychology estimated that upwards of 50% of families in the United States use digital location tracking (DLT) software on their teenage children’s smartphones.

Popular tracking apps include Life360, Apple Find My, Qustodio, Google Family Link, and Verizon Smart Family. Most apps have two features to make tracking location easier: geofencing and location history. With geofencing, parents can create virtual geographic boundaries that trigger an alert when crossed by the device. For example, parents could geofence the family’s home and receive automatic alerts when the youth leaves and returns. With location history, parents can view not only youths’ current location but also their past locations for up to 30 days.

One of the main arguments supporting using trackers on teenagers’ phones is to ensure their safety. With rising concerns about kidnapping, accidents, and other emergencies, tracking apps can help to locate children quickly. Some believe a tracker app can be the difference between life and death if their teenage child goes missing or is in a dangerous situation.

The second argument is that tracker apps increase teenagers’ sense of accountability and responsibility. If teenagers know their movements are being monitored, it might encourage them to make more responsible decisions and teach them about accountability. It is also hoped that awareness of being monitored could deter teenagers from engaging in risky behaviours such as visiting unsafe areas.

A third argument supporting tracking apps is that teenagers can be contacted by their parents in an emergency. This point was raised when Stephen Donnelly, the health minister, and Norma Foley, the education minister, proposed a smartphone ban in secondary schools.

Some concerns raised were understandable, like a child who has diabetes and where the smartphone is used to alert them and their parents about their sugar levels. However, for others, it seemed to stem from the increasing need to engage in helicopter parenting strategies so they can micro-manage their teenager’s lives.

The most likely reason a parent installs a tracker app on their child’s phone is for their peace of mind. 

Many experience anxiety about their teenagers’ safety, especially when they are away from home. Tracking apps allow parents to check their child’s location without constant communication, which might otherwise feel intrusive to the teenager.

However, on the other side of the debate, parents worry that installing a tracker app on their teenager’s phone could violate their privacy and send a message of distrust to their child. If a teenager feels overly controlled or monitored, this can cause difficulty and strained family relationships. They see adolescence as a critical time for developing independence, and constant monitoring can undermine a teen’s ability to cultivate a sense of personal space and autonomy. It’s also possible that teenagers over-rely on these apps, which could hinder the development of their independence and problem-solving skills. Furthermore, tracking apps risk being hacked, exposing teens to cyber threats if not properly secured.

Undermining trust

Could trackers damage the trust between parents and teenagers? If teenagers feel they must be constantly monitored, they will likely interpret this intervention as a sign of unjustified distrust. When teenagers sense they are not trusted, especially if they have not given any reason for suspicion, this could lead to resentment and a potential increase in rebellious behaviour that otherwise would not have occurred. It might also discourage open communication. Teenagers need to be trusted before they can trust others and could become more secretive about their activities in the presence of this suspicion.

As early adaptors to technology, teenagers will likely find workarounds to tracking apps. According to researcher Isabella Davis from the Department of Psychiatry, University of California, they can temporarily thwart location tracking by leaving the device somewhere they are not, such as at home before leaving for the night or turning the device off and claiming the battery died. They could also temporarily disable location sharing on their phone or within the app, delete it, or log into another decoy device to share the wrong location.

During their teenage years, children learn to navigate the world independently, make decisions, and deal with the consequences. I am concerned that constant tracking could limit their opportunities to develop these crucial life skills. Also, there’s a risk that knowing they are constantly monitored would reduce their ability to take responsibility for their actions.

Using GPS tracker apps is evidence of an overbearing parenting style that has emerged in recent years. I speak to many teenagers who report feeling suffocated by the lack of freedom their parents give them and, as a result, are unable to explore their interests and social lives.

We need to be aware of the long-term consequences of normalising the installation of tracking devices on people’s phones. I recently heard of a young woman in her early 20s whose boyfriend had insisted on installing a tracker device on her phone. This is a worrying sign of how this trend might develop over time if we casually excuse surveillance as acceptable.

I understand how using trackers on teenagers’ phones is contentious because balancing safety and freedom is an age-old parenting dilemma. The core issue is how much we value a parent’s peace of mind over a teenager’s need for privacy, trust, and independence. Trusting your teen’s ability to make good decisions is a long-term strategy with lasting benefits. It may seem like a risky investment at the time, but the dividends are many and enduring.

Using a tracking app does not have to be a black-and-white issue — there’s also a middle ground to consider. Suppose parents decide to use tracker apps on their teenager’s phone. In that case, they need to have an open conversation with their child about the reasons for the tracking app and establish mutual agreements on its use, which could help mitigate the negative impacts.

Responses to adversity

Adolescence is a time for experimentation, pushing boundaries and inevitably making mistakes. We learn far more from the things that go wrong in our lives than those that go right. While I understand every parent’s desire to spare their child adversity, this is not always helpful. A child’s resilience is measured by how they respond to adversity, not by how they manage to avoid it.

While trackers can be useful for safety, it is critical to balance their use with respect for a teen’s autonomy and privacy. Open communication between parents and teens is crucial in setting boundaries and maintaining trust.

While we have become increasingly hypervigilant about our children’s activities in their physical environment, we are worryingly less concerned about their online worlds.

We must move away from time spent on screens and think more about time well spent. We don’t judge our children’s diet by the time they sit at the table — we judge it by what they eat. Their online activity is similar — it’s about content, not time.

The secretive nature of smartphone use has left many parents unable to manage their child’s online activity.

Despite agreeing on periodic checks of their phones and looking up search histories, these are not foolproof methods. Perhaps a tracker on a teenager’s phone that would alert a parent to their access to pornography sites or unsuitable online videos would offer some capacity to effectively regulate teen usage and deter them from engaging in risky online activities. But I do not doubt that even if these apps were available, they too would be open to manipulation and not 100% reliable.

In the absence of these technological supports, the best way to prepare your child to navigate the world is to instill a degree of common sense and support them in making good decisions in their lives.

The work that needs to happen is on a human level, not a technological one. Having open conversations with your child to support them in being sensible and reasonable is still the most effective strategy.

In my first book, Cop On, I wrote, ‘there is no app for your lap’, when discussing the need for parents to invest in relationships with their children rather than relying on technology to keep them safe, and that is still true today.

While our teenagers are long past the lap stage, they still need to be held emotionally.

Rather than investing in GPS trackers to ensure our children make safe decisions, perhaps having a series of conversations aimed at preparing them to become good decision-makers is a better use of our precious parenting time.

Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist