Dr Phil Kieran: My 12-year-old keeps biting their nails and then hates how they look... how can I help?
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Nail biting is one of the habits most parents wish their kids wouldn’t pick up. It occurs in roughly one in five children, so you are not alone. There are several causes for nail biting - often, it just comes down to repetition.
Before encouraging your daughter to stop, I suggest discussing the underlying reasons for this behaviour with her.
Twelve can be a difficult age, and it’s not much comfort to tell a tweenager that it’ll be easier when they reach their mid-20s.
About 20% of adolescents experience anxiety, which means a large portion of people will experience it at some stage. Common worries are social anxiety, particularly around changes in friend groups, or generalised anxiety, which can happen around changes in their school life. Even if she is not transitioning from primary to secondary school this year, she may feel anxious about progressing from fifth to sixth class, the most senior group in the environment.
Getting kids to open up can be difficult, but the general advice is to find a time when she wants to chat rather than necessarily trying to fit it in when it suits you. I would suggest asking open questions and following the conversation wherever it leads. For some children, chatting with another person may be easier while doing something else, such as a shared activity (building blocks, jigsaw, art or even, dare I say, gaming).
Beyond dealing with possible psychological stresses, there are physical reasons why children bite their nails. For some, it's because they feel rough and irritating. Regular filing may solve the issue if this is the case. Others may find they bite their nails for something to do with their hands, and either a fidget toy or encouraging them to learn a manual skill like knitting or solving a Rubik's cube can help a lot. Addressing any underlying predisposing factors can go a long way to fixing the problem. I agree that steering clear of fake nails as a cover-up is ideal, as she may find the habit hard to kick even with the false nails.
Using a nail lacquer with a bad taste can also help some children. Several brands carry this lacquer, and your pharmacist can advise on which one to use. This approach can backfire, though. My son found the “unpleasant” taste appealing.
Most kids will grow out of nail biting by themselves, so try not to worry too much about it.
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