Get your children to do their chores — experts say it's good for their development

And other studies found that children who do regular chores have higher interpersonal skills and greater ability to take on responsibility, as well as increased empathy.

Doing household chores is also invaluable for sensory processing, says occupational therapist Regina Donnelly, co-founder, with Emir Crowley, of Hand in Hand Children’s OT Service ( childrensoccupationaltherapy.ie).

“It really helps with how we process information through our eight senses,” says Donnelly, adding that people are often not aware of three of these senses:

• Proprioception: Information we get from our muscles and joints regarding where our bodies are — it is a foundation for motor skills and co-ordination;
• Vestibular: Our sense of balance — located in the inner ear, it impacts co-ordination and our planning and sequencing of daily living activities;
• Interoception: Ability to be aware of internal sensations in the body, for example, heart rate, respiration, hunger, fullness, temperature, pain, tiredness, and sensations of emotion.

Donnelly agrees, however, that chores can have a negative connotation. So, it is vital to adapt and tailor tasks to your child’s age and abilities. “Have clear and reasonable expectations, and make tasks achievable. Break them down, share them — for example, with a seven-year-old, ‘You take the cups out of the dishwasher, I’ll do the plates’. Make it less of a chore,” she says.

So, which chores help with which developmental abilities? Donnelly says that heavy work really benefits children — hoovering, pulling wet clothes out of the washing machine. “It’s very good for muscle strength. It goes to the parts of the brain that process proprioception. It also has a calming and regulating effect on the body.”

Fine and gross motor skills can be developed when children empty the dishwasher. “They have to co-ordinate their whole body and use both hands to do it. Feeding animals is another one, and quite motivating for children — using a little cup to take out dry dog food and putting it in a bowl takes co-ordination and control.”

Donnelly suggests setting the table to improve planning and sequencing skills. “It encourages bilateral integration — using left and right sides of the body. It helps with spatial awareness — getting out cutlery, plates, glasses. Children are using fine and gross motor skills, as well as proprioception — setting down the glasses and knowing how much force to use, or pouring milk and not over-pouring.”

Laundry tasks provide great opportunities for different-aged children to work together.

“From an early age, children can do really simple sorting: Matching socks, or sorting by colour. As they get older, they can fold clothes, which involves a lot of planning and sequencing. And when they’re a little older again, they can carry the laundry basket or hang clothes up on the line using pegs — great for motor skills and visual perception.”

Donnelly suggests the following age-graded guide to tasks, but cautions parents to be respectful of individual children’s ability level:

Two- to three-year-olds: Put toys in box with parents’ help, learn to dress themselves; take off PJs, shoes, coat;

• Four to five-year-olds: Help feed pets, help set or clear the table, put toys or groceries away with support, dress themselves with help;
• Six- to seven-year-olds: Wipe tables and counters, sort laundry away, sweep floors;
• Seven- to nine-year-olds: Load and unload dishwasher, help with meal preparation, pack their own lunch for school;
• 10- to 11-year-olds: make snack or sandwich;
• 12 and above: wash the car, help out with younger siblings;
• Teens: Help with grocery-shopping and running errands.

From putting out the bin to sweeping the floor, from wiping the table and helping with food preparation to making the bed, chores are beneficial. When Donnelly and fellow OT Emir Crowley give workshops to parents on sensory processing and motor-skill development, they always talk about household chores being invaluable.

“We use words like ‘jobs’ or ‘tasks’ rather than ‘chores’. We talk about what’s appropriate within your family routine and your child’s ability, about what will be realistic and achievable. We talk about the connection and relationship piece — when they’re younger, tasks are about shared engagement.”

Children are much more open to helping when what they’re being asked to do is doable, says Donnelly. And parents respond positively at workshops.

“The perception is you must have fancy sensory toys and equipment, or you must do activities that aren’t realistic in everyday life. Parents are very positive when they hear doing household tasks has huge impact, even if children do just one household task a day. They feel this is realistic and achievable in everyday life.”

Like Donnelly, consultant clinical psychologist Dr Claire Hayes prefers not to use the word ‘chore’, particularly if the word suggests hassle, have-to, an obligation, something heavy. “That could become a pressure, and if what the child has to do becomes a focus of acrimony or disagreement in the family — ‘you didn’t do that well enough or quick enough’, or if one child is being described as ‘better’ at doing chores than another — it could backfire.”

Hayes cites the unwanted, negative fallout. “It could become a war between siblings — ‘You were supposed to do this and you didn’t’. It’s not helpful developmentally. As they grow up, there could be a sense that homework, college work, their eventual job, is a have-to, a hassle.”

She urges parents to reframe the doing of household tasks as ‘being part of the family, supporting everyone else in the family, playing their part, helping the family run smoothly’. Let household tasks be something that makes the child feel valued, respected, and part of the family, as opposed to a focus for rows. “It could be called ‘taking care of the family’ rather than ‘doing chores’.”

When this is done, there are certainly benefits, she says.

“Children develop a sense of responsibility and independence. They’re able to know that if they make a mess they need to clean it up. It helps them have a sense of involvement in the family.”

Hayes is “unsure” about paying children to do chores

“Part of family life is helping out. Appeal to children’s strengths. One child might prefer vacuuming, another putting out the bins. Or say, ‘You’re doing this today, Johnny’s doing it tomorrow’, or let them swap a task with their brother or sister, once this is OK with the sibling.”

She advises approaching tasks with “a bit of fun” — putting some nice music on while you do them, having a dance, telling jokes.

“With little ones, it might be tempting to do the job yourself because it’s quicker, but let them wash or put away that last spoon. Then say, ‘Isn’t it lovely to see the kitchen looking so clean, thank you, you’ve really helped with this’, as opposed to ‘you didn’t clean that spot over there’.”

It is helpful, she says, to have an expectation, from when children are very young, that everybody contributes to making the house as comfortable as can be. “Show that this is valued and respected — and not that children have to be begged, forced, or bribed to do it.”