Colman Noctor: Soak up the opportunity to create memorable experiences on holidays

However, after just returning from our holiday, I can attest that contrary to what the numbers might suggest, it was worth it.

Not all time spent together as a family is equal, which is important to understand. Since we booked this year’s holiday, we have all been looking forward to it for months. It was a brief escape from the incredibly dreary weather we’ve experienced in Ireland this summer, and we had not been away for a couple of years, so this one was especially anticipated.

We didn’t get to go on a family holiday last year as we were saving for a deposit for a house and we could only afford to go this year because I am fortunate enough to be able to do extra work in order to earn more. I appreciate that not everyone is in a position to do that and with the rising cost of living, even those on a good salary can struggle to accumulate the average price of a family holiday and therefore it is not an option for many.

The family holiday, if done correctly, is a unique opportunity for everyone to spend a sustained time together where they are not distracted by everyday life.

The chance for everyone to be present together without having to rush to extracurricular activities, prepare meals, or put out the bins is a unique and important uninterrupted time for families to spend together.

Our family holiday this year was a ‘phone-free zone’, and we agreed to only check our phones in the evenings. It was a gamechanger when it came to enjoying our time together, and it allowed us to really switch off.

I noticed from my older children that when there were fun alternative activities to do, such as the pool or water slides, the desire to spend time on screens was non-existent.

However, the other benefits of a family holiday abroad are that your children broaden their horizons and witness other cultures.

Comparing different cultures was a common discussion while we were away. My children noticed that some people tan more naturally than some of us. We were easily noticeable in the resort as being the palest and we also had an inch-thick layer of factor 50 on.

My children also observed that when they smiled at people walking by, many did not smile back, and when you said ‘sorry’ if you accidentally bumped into people in the pool, they did not say ‘sorry’ back.

My daughter commented that it makes sense that people say the Irish are very friendly because it was her impression that most others aren’t.

My eldest made a very interesting observation when he pointed out the absence of any evidence of environmentalism where we stayed. There was no sign of recycling bins anywhere in the resort, and all food, paper, and general waste went into one bin. He pointed out that if climate change is a global responsibility and not everyone is doing their part, then how will we make any progress?

I was not so successful in broadening my children’s horizons regarding food. Despite the vast variety of food available in the all-inclusive buffet, more often than not all of my children chose pizza or chicken nuggets. On one occasion, my daughter returned with a plate of rice, chips, and plain pasta with little protein in sight. And while I would be fairly good at promoting healthy eating at home, as we were on holiday, I let that one slide.

That’s the critical part of family holidays. It’s a break from the norm — to be a successful holiday, it must be different. If we are not burdened with the responsibilities of everyday life, it allows us to let our hair down and engage in lots of quality time together.

When your children are young, these times are priceless. It’s not the expensive resort or the fancy food that they remember but the time you spent together.

Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t always exciting for the adult. I spent most of my holiday in the pool with the monotonous task of counting how many seconds my youngest lad could hold his breath underwater.

From my experience, the family holiday is often like a good Christmas — it doesn’t have to be perfect.

We remember the stories of something that went wrong or something that happened, which was funny, as imperfection is more memorable than perfections. The stories from our last holiday, which have been retold many times, are mostly about me getting stuck in a water slide and my son dropping a plate full of fruit that he was carrying back from the buffet when he tripped on a woman’s handbag on the ground.

The same will be the case this year. No doubt we will recall mistiming the distance to the departure gate in Dublin Airport and having a ‘ Home Alone moment’ as we all raced through the airport, hearing our names being called out over the tannoy. We will also remember when one of the hotel staff couldn’t quite grasp my son’s name (Ódhran pronounced ‘Ode Ran’) and called him Audrey for the duration of the poolside activity, which gave all of us a fit of giggles every time he said it.

And for me, that’s the purpose of the family holiday. It is an opportunity to create memories. Memories of being together, away from it all, sharing new experiences and having a laugh.

I know that family holidays are a privilege. If you are fortunate enough to be able to afford one in Ireland or abroad, it is important to soak up the opportunity to create memorable experiences. Introduce your children to new experiences, cultures, and people. Switch off your phone and don’t answer work emails.

In summary, the time spent as a family is not all equal. Sometimes a break away from the distractions of life is needed to disconnect and reconnect with the people in our lives.

Despite spending a lot of time in each other’s company, our minds are elsewhere for much of that time. We can be there but not be present. If I had foregone the family holiday for the 30 evenings at home over the year, those evenings would likely have been filled with distractions, jobs, and
routines.

The family holiday is a unique opportunity to take a small amount of time and truly invest in ‘being together’.

Of course, it won’t all be perfect — there were plenty of arguments and tiffs over the most innocuous of things while we were away, but there was some really good stuff, too, and hopefully, we have created an opportunity for all of us to take some memories away from our 2024 summer holiday which will be retold and
revisited for many years to come.

Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist