These are the health and development benefits of letting children play by themselves
Children, Heeney Different Co Social Relationships Family And Operation, Similarities, For In Other, Cultures Psychological Says: Each And Of Childhood Early And Opportunity Learning Understanding Development Of With "playing About About Difference There’s Teresa They So Other Types Much Ireland, " Learn About Play, Ceo
As a child growing up in Ballybofey, Donegal, Teresa Heeney played on the street and with friends who lived on the street behind her house.
“I remember so fondly a woman and her mother who were a key part of my childhood. For a week, I took up their entire backyard, playing shop. There were planks of wood, 10m long. Everything out of that house was an item in the shop, and the shop got bigger every day.” Now CEO of Early Childhood Ireland, Ms Heeney is grateful for the generosity and willingness of those neighbours who let that childhood play experience become whatever it was going to be, with all the children who got involved.
“It was play that went beyond the moment, where something started on one day and went onto the next and the day after, and the adults in that house put no constraints on it. The children involved probably changed, and more became involved as the play evolved. It evolved in different ways depending on who was playing.” Those adults, Ms Heeney says, had the ideal approach for when children are playing — facilitate the play without directing it.
Her neighbours trusted the play was important in itself: “They recognised the importance of giving time, place, and tools to play — the plank of wood that replicated the shop, every tin in the house coming out. They trusted the children to know how to play themselves and that there was no need for them to observe or direct.”
Research bears out the importance of this. A study published last year in the found strong evidence of a need for unstructured play — activities that aren’t directed by adults and that don’t have a defined purpose or outcome — so as to combat childhood mental health disorders such as anxiety and depression.
Ms Heeney sees play as the work of children. “They seek it out. They want to do something again and again and again. In that repetition, they become masters of their play.” From play, children learn everything they need, she believes.
“Take any activity. A slide — they learn about friction and physics, what way to make themselves go down faster or slower. They build fundamental movement skills. Playing with other children, they learn about each other, about social relationships. In play, there’s so much opportunity for psychological development and understanding difference and similarities, co-operation, learning about different types of family and cultures.”
If you give five children a stick to play with, Ms Heeney says, it will most likely manifest into something different for each child.
“It could be a microphone, flag, goal post, thermometer, part of a den, a tower, something to poke under stones. They’ll find a thousand uses for a stick — it tells us the importance of play for imagination and creativity.” This is why open-ended materials are really exciting for children. “They can make it be whatever they want it to be. A box can be a cave, a car, a place to hide, or a house.”
Ms Heeney points to Nordic countries as leaders in outdoor play, with children in crèches spending significant time outside — unless temperatures drop very low.
She says playing outdoors gives children “joyful opportunities” to develop essential life skills: Team work, problem-solving, creativity, independence, sensory awareness, social skills, and a love for nature.
The most recent Early Childhood Ireland Annual Barometer, published in February, found 62% of adults here agree that the Nordic approach should be the norm in Ireland.
However, while children naturally seek out adventure to explore their world and make sense of life, Ms Heeney says adults can sometimes hamper children’s sense of adventure — particularly when it comes to playing outdoors.
Whatever the kind of play — whether messy, outdoor, risky or rough-and-tumble — Marion McCoy, a non-directive play therapist based in Mallow, North Cork, says parents need to become aware of their window of tolerance: “It’s about what do you accept in relation to, for example, messy play. And messy play doesn’t have to be wet play — it could be every toy tumbled and thrown out.”
After that, she says, it is about widening the parent’s window of tolerance a little — what will you accept?
“Parents can see the value of the messy play and be aware of balancing their window of tolerance with the benefit to the child.” Ms McCoy sees the child learning so much through messy play: “You’re supporting them to trust their judgement, their instinct. ‘Will I add a bit of this or a bit of that?’ Their hands are telling them does it need more. There’s a whole confidence-building and self-reliance. ‘Oh it doesn’t work’.
“Then we’re into the emotions. ‘Oh that’s a bit disappointing,’ says the parent. The child says: ‘Oh no it’s ok, I’ll try that instead.’ It’s resilience-building.”
For McCoy, play inherently involves unpredictability and uncertainty — and risky play definitely does: “Engaging in slightly fearful situations, such as navigating heights or speed, is a natural part of play. It helps children experience and manage emotions like thrills and excitement, it helps regulate emotions and prepares them for future challenges.”
Risky play, she says, falls into six types: Heights, speed, tools, dangerous elements (playing near water or with fire under supervision), rough-and-tumble play, and exploring alone.
A good way for the risk-averse parent to think about it, she says, is to support the child to lean into risk.
“I’m not suggesting high-risk, but take a toddler standing up and learning to walk. The parent supports this — they put supportive furniture out, they push something just a little beyond the child’s reach.
It’s all challenging and risky for the child, but you can see the benefit.
And that goes right the way up, from climbing trees to riding a bike.
“If they’re struggling with the bike, you go back a step to the non-pedal bike or the scooter. It’s very much following the lead of the child.” Ms McCoy says it is not helpful if risk is inherently seen as dangerous and problematic, where parents are saying: “No, don’t do that, be careful, stop.” She encourages switching from the negative to the positive and bringing it back to the body of the child.
“Say instead: ‘Are you safe? Is your foot on the branch? Is your hand holding tight to the swing?’ So the child’s brain is taking their body awareness to their hand. And the parent says: ‘I can see you’re holding tighter, you’re going a bit higher, are you safe?’” This, she says, helps the child to develop brain pathways and — from the information their body is giving them — to build judgment of risk.
“From the information, they’re judging is this a good or bad thing. ‘Am I going to go higher? My body says no — I’ll come lower.’ “Meanwhile, the parent is creating a trusting environment — ‘I’m here’, and while the child is leaning into risk, they know they’re safe enough.”
Ms Heeney would love all parents to understand the value of unfettered play. “It’s important for them to evolve and become more trustworthy. It’s important for their self-esteem, and eventually they can go to the other green, stay out an extra 30 minutes.”
While it is important to allow play to happen and to trust children to play themselves, there will be times when they would love mum, dad, or granny to play with them.
“But this is ‘as well as’ not ‘instead of’,” says Ms Heeney, who recommends adults think about their own childhood play as a way of rediscovering the lessons it offers.
“What sparked your play? Where did you go? Who did you play with?
“The truth is play is not reserved for childhood. Embrace your own playful spirit.”