Joanna Fortune: My toddler wants to be in my arms nearly all the time

When you say “play with toys”, I am curious about your expectations of him. Broadly speaking, we see babies from birth to three months engage in what is described as 'unoccupied play', which means they find their surroundings fascinating, but there is not much interaction; it is more about observation. Then, from three months to two and a half years, they engage in what is described as 'solitary play'.

During this developmental phase, the baby starts reaching for and interacting with objects, but they don’t really understand or care much about the way others around them play. A child this age can sustain interest in a toy or object for about a minute, and while we see an emerging narrative, the play is unstructured. As they get older, they show overt interest and engagement in their environment while outdoors.

In other words, on a good day, you might get enough time to nip to the bathroom while he is engaged with play on his own. However, his capacity for prolonged engagement is still grossly underdeveloped, and he will need some support with his play within minutes of your leaving him. This is why our children this age tend to potter around the house after us, like a little shadow or, as is the case with your little guy, carried so that he is up at your vantage point, close to your heartbeat and skin and safely in your arms.

I would suggest getting him outdoors for a walk (even taking him in the stroller to somewhere safe for you to potter around outdoors ) and, later, exposing him to more sensory, messy, tactile play when indoors. Think about sand, water bubbles, Play-Doh, and music (your pots, pans, and a wooden spoon are fine for music). Think also about singing and dancing, as rhythm and synchrony play are good ways to begin to nurture regulation.

It i s essential to developing a sense of trust. Very young children learn to trust physically, not through words. This is a very sensory stage of play, and touch plays a vital role. It is about learning and integrating that sense of having a body and skin, whereby the young child learns 'I have a body; this is what my body can do, and this is where my body ends'. It is about containment. 

Play such as 'peek-a-boo' and making objects disappear and then reappear (quickly) allows your child to accept that objects (and later people) still exist even when you do not see them and will return. He needs this type of play, and it will help you through this stage.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie