Colman Noctor: Bringing a puppy home was one of the best decisions we ever made

“I think retrievers live for an average of about 15 years, son”.

“OK, so I will be 25 years old by then.”

“That’s right.”

“But how will you mind him because you’ll be an old man, Dad?”

(I will be 61 by then, so not quite ‘old man’ territory in my book.)

While Cooper is not yet a year old, the strength of the attachment is such that my son is already trying to imagine how he might cope when he is no longer here. It got me thinking about the emotional process of having a family pet.

Over the years, I have met many children and young adults in my clinic who were devastated by the death of their family pet. While I’ve always been compassionate about their grief, I am not entirely sure I got it until Cooper came into our lives.

I had held off getting a family dog as I believed my children would be old enough to take on some of the responsibility of dog ownership and help with the workload a dog entails. The daily walks, feeding, and picking up poo are considerable additions to the household workload. 

Then there is the expense of kennels, new fences, grooming, food, repairing damaged household furniture, and replacing the phone chargers that fell victim to Cooper’s proclivity for chewing in the early days.

Also, I hadn’t factored in house training, the sleepless nights during the settling-in period and being unable to leave him for more than a few hours.

In short, a dog is a huge commitment and one not to be taken lightly.

During the pandemic, I came across research which found that having a back garden and a family dog were the most protective aspects of children’s mental health in lockdowns.

I thought about this finding again last year when I knew our family was due to undergo considerable upheaval involving house moves, new schools, and other transitions. 

I decided it was a good time to get a dog to help us manage these changes. So far, it has proven to be a great decision.

True companion

While my children have not lived up to my fantasy of taking Cooper for a daily walk and picking up his poo, they are constantly concerned about how he is when we are away from home. And he gets a far more enthusiastic response from them after a short absence than I do.

The connection and mutual love are palpable, whether in a playful game of tug-o-war with my good tea towel or lying on the mat snuggled into him watching a movie. 

My 14-year-old son, who is far too cool to show anything that resembles affection, can be observed staring into Cooper’s eyes and hugging him, even on hormonal days when the rest of us are being shunned for no apparent reason.

This deep child-pet bond convinces me that all the hard work is worthwhile.

However, I worry about how we would cope if anything ever happened to him and am aware that, inevitably, someday it will.

We tend not to dwell on the loss of a loved one because it could be decades away. But the fact that dogs are on this earth for such a short time means we are more likely to contemplate losing them.

Thankfully, Cooper has never been sick, but when he appeared to be choking on a sock on one occasion, I panicked and was hugely worried that something might happen to him. 

This incident resulted in a 24-hour vigil to monitor his breathing and check on him during the night, usually a response reserved for my children. Even finding someone who would mind him while on holidays this summer required more research than when I chose a creche.

Cooper’s love for his human family is unconditional. He is always glad to see us and never seems moody or in bad form. A being who wants to be by your side, grateful for your company and repeatedly tells you, mostly by licking your face, that you are valued and loved is uplifting.

Even after the toughest of days, Cooper wants to be close to you, and I believe he senses the times we need that type of connection most.

The psychological benefits of owning a dog are not news to most of us. Research has found that dog ownership can lead to increased physical activity, as dog owners tend to engage in more exercise, such as walking and playing, which can contribute to better cardiovascular health, weight management, and overall fitness levels. 

Interactions with dogs have been linked to reduced stress levels and improved mental wellbeing, with one study suggesting that petting a dog can lead to stress reduction. At the same time, their companionship can alleviate feelings of loneliness and depression.

Positive influence

Growing up with a dog also positively affects children, promoting their social, emotional, and cognitive development. Studies have found that children with pets exhibit higher levels of empathy and self-esteem compared to those without pets, as interacting with a pet provides opportunities to learn about emotions and relationships.

While new parents of a new baby may worry about the presence of a dog, exposure to pets during infancy has been associated with a reduced risk of developing allergies and asthma later in life.

Dogs are also commonly used in therapeutic settings to assist individuals with various mental health conditions. Animal-assisted therapy (AAT) and emotional support animals (ESA) have been shown to positively affect wellbeing, including reduced anxiety, improved mood, and increased socialisation.

A 2015 study by Prof Miho Nagasawa from the Department of Animal Science at Azabu University Japan found that the human-dog bond releases oxytocin. Also known as the love hormone, oxytocin is a chemical we usually associate with baby-parent bonding.

Animal behaviourist Dr Karen London says petting dogs or simply thinking about them can increase our oxytocin levels, reduce stress, increase pain tolerance, and enhance well-being.

Owning a dog is not for everyone due to financial and space restrictions or work commitments. Still, the benefits can far outweigh the drawbacks for those in a position to do so.

I have seen over the last year how my children are learning about taking responsibility for another being while experiencing a relationship based on unconditional love. At times, it has even made them think about just how short a life can be. In many ways, it is like a gentle preparation for experiences they will encounter in adulthood.

After our first year with Cooper, I have resigned myself to the fact that my home may never smell fresh and 90% of the cups of tea I make will have stray dog hair. However, I can still say with confidence that getting a dog is one of the best decisions we ever made.

• Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist.