Joanna Fortune: I'm back to work soon after having a baby — how do I make this easier?
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It's good to read you are considering how this transition will affect you and not just your baby as the impact on parents returning to work after maternity leave is often overlooked.
Step one is planning for the transition and you are already doing this. It's terrific you have sourced someone you describe as a 'wonderful childminder' because having that level of trust and comfort in the person you leave your baby with is crucial.
I suggest you begin the transition now and slowly and gradually start building up to the first full working day apart. This will let you both get used to the idea by practising separation.
Your baby is still developing 'people permanence', or an understanding that people still exist even when we do not see them. So it is good for your daughter to experience these mini yet gradually increasing separations from you while building a connection with your childminder. Another way to support this process is to play games such as 'peek-a-boo', whereby you briefly disappear and reappear.
Ask your childminder to come to your home, sit with you, and play with your daughter. Let your childminder hold your baby on their lap while you are still in her sight.
If the childminder is based in your home, you can practice leaving for short bursts of time and returning. Start with leaving them in a room while you are still in the house and build up to a short walk, then a coffee at a local cafe and returning within the hour.
If your baby is being cared for in the childminder's house, you will still need to start the transition with the childminder visiting your home as it is a safe and familiar space. But on the third or fourth visit, go to the childminder's home and stay a while, building up to leaving and returning.
Say goodbye when leaving, and be sure to mark your return with a physical celebration (a hug/kiss/light spin around and perhaps a song/lullaby).
Ensure you have someone on standby who can take your call when you leave your baby, whether you need to cry or simply talk about how you are feeling.
Talk to your employer and colleagues and let them know you are in a transitional phase and may need extra support and flexibility with start and end times at work for a couple of weeks as you adjust.
Lean into your support network as soon as you start your transition and talk to friends who've experienced returning to work post-baby.
Trust that your childminder knows how to support you and your baby in this transition. It’s part of what makes childminders such special people in our lives.
- If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie