Colman Noctor: Small changes could lead to big results for children

Cyberbullying, access to pornography, and grooming are serious concerns. However, another often unseen impact of smartphone usage that could potentially negatively impact young children’s wellbeing is the pressure to ‘be on’ and respond all the time. Being expected to reply to 70 Snapchat messages before having your Coco Pops in the morning takes its toll on children’s emotional development.

I was initially dubious about the impact of Education Minister Norma Foley’s decision in November 2023 to support a smartphone ban in primary schools. Most primary schools already have smartphone bans in place and the issue was not about smartphone usage in school, but the broader issue of smartphone ownership. However, since the announcement of the ban, I have been asked to speak to parent groups to encourage a voluntary agreement among primary school parents not to purchase a phone for any of their children.

While the Department of Education ban might lack the teeth necessary to have an impact, parents coming together in solidarity to protect their children’s wellbeing gives me some hope. However, most of the parents who have contacted me so far are from affluent areas and have the means to facilitate parent seminars. I fear that implementing voluntary codes will be a luxury restricted to areas of privilege, while those less fortunate communities will be left to struggle.

Sport for all

In April, I discussed the topic of ‘leapfrogging’ in my column. Leapfrogging occurs when a younger child displays impressive ability within their age range, so coaches allow them extra games at a higher age range. It can result in older children losing out on game time to let the younger child excel. The practice comes at a great cost to the child who is left out as they are often the victims of slagging and reputational damage by their classmates as they have lost their place to a younger child.

In response to the column, I received many messages from parents whose children had been victims of this process.

I have no issue with children from younger age groups playing up for games if the older team is short of numbers, but giving a younger child extra game time in addition to their usual age fixture schedule at the cost of game time to others is simply wrong.

On a more positive note, there was a communication from the GAA in May that no competitive fixtures should take place for children under 12 years of age. While I agree some children are ready for competition at that age, others are not. Introducing competitive fixtures is more likely to cause more young children to leave the sport than if it is introduced later. If our mission is for ‘more children to play for longer’ then the choice is straightforward. Starting competitive games later may cause frustration for some children — who will most likely continue to play — but is a better option than introducing it early at the cost of continued participation for many more.

Bullying by exclusion

The third big ticket item of 2023 was the growing problem of exclusion as a form of bullying in children and teenagers. I spoke about how this was a much more common topic in my therapy room than I had observed before.

The arbitrary nature of why children and teenagers were targeted and the extent to which they were excluded is deeply concerning. The growth of social media platforms and their role in childhood communication seems to have exacerbated this problem, with most of the exclusion tactics occurring on online platforms.

I wrote about how I had listened to many young girls describe how they were being taunted by pictures of groups of friends meeting up while they were being excluded. There was a randomness to how these girls were identified as victims of exclusion, and they were by no means what you might imagine in terms of typical targets of bullying behaviour. The impact of this on their self-esteem and self-worth was profound, with many describing contemplating suicide and engaging in self-harming behaviours.

Social media exclusion has become so widespread that it now poses one of the greatest threats to young people’s mental health.

Organisations that work with children and young people need to admit that what we are doing right now isn’t working. The government launched a Bullying Action Plan in 2013, but it has not had the desired effect. According to the Anti-Bullying Centre, one in four children is experiencing bullying at any one time.

My columns in August and November focused on girls being the perpetrators of exclusion. The response I got from parents would suggest that this problematic dynamic is pervasive among boys too.

One mother described to me how there had been an arrangement with an entire under-13 soccer team not to pass the ball to her son under any circumstances. When it was raised, the coaches said their hands were tied. After three weeks of being excluded, her son left the soccer team and has not returned.

The first step is to accept that the light touch strategies like ‘having talks about the importance of inclusion’ are not enough and are not effective.

Given the mental health costs of this phenomenon to young people’s mental health, I believe adults who work with children and teenagers must act fast and firmly in responding to bullying through exclusion.

While exclusion is hard to identify, address, and prove, there must be consequences for those who actively exclude other children, and the parent of the child doing the excluding has to be involved too, to prevent further psychological and emotional damage from occurring.

This time last year, a revised version of the Bullying Action Plan called Cinealtas was published. While it had high aspirations, including strategies to manage school-based bullying, it failed to mention exclusion as a form of bullying.

I would appeal to all adults involved in young people’s activities to make it their goal in 2024 to make positive progress in terms of smartphone ownership among primary schoolchildren, the ‘win at all costs’ culture of children’s sport and the rise in episodes of bullying by exclusion.

Even minor improvements in these three areas would significantly enhance the opportunities for children to develop healthier emotional lives next year.

Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist