Colman Noctor: Let's keep the Leaving Cert results in perspective
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I have written many times about the shortcomings of the Leaving Cert structure and how I believe it is an archaic mechanism for assessing student learning. But for now, I will park that discussion and deal with how best to navigate the exam results.
Often adults will trot out their accounts of how poorly they did in their Leaving Cert only to go on to have successful careers at this time of year. While this is undoubtedly well intended, it has little impact on the anxious student who sees the results day differently because they are in the middle of it. To many, the Leaving Certificate is ‘the be all and end all’ and will decide how their lives will be determined.
A sense of perspective is essential. If the results don’t turn out how you hoped and you miss out on the points you needed for your preferred course, consider my ‘Sat Nav Principle’. According to this principle, just because you miss a turn on our satellite navigation system, your destination doesn’t change, only the route to get there. And as many point out, sometimes the scenic route can be the most enjoyable.
Life has taught me that there is rarely only one way to achieve a goal; there are always many options and when we meet an obstacle, we need to re-route rather than abort the journey.
The options may not be the most obvious or the path most travelled, but they are alternative routes. Young people often need to be reminded of this bigger picture; parents need these reminders too.
The build-up to Leaving Cert results day can sometimes be more stressful for the parent than the child. Perhaps it’s because we see our children as ‘extensions of ourselves’. Therefore, their successes are our successes, and their failures are our failures. This is all well and good when we get to humble brag about how our son is the captain of the school rugby team, or our daughter was voted head girl for her year, but it is a little more complicated when we are asked about our children who may be ‘less successful’ in the conventional sense.
Few parents are immune to comments such as: 'Oh, he’s not going to university?' or 'Sure, PLCs are great for some people'. This snobbery often comes from parents who cannot wait to tell you about their impressive child, leaving you feeling the need to tell them about your impressive child too. The pressure inevitably trickles down to the child, whether this is made explicit or not.
The Leaving Cert is not only a deciding factor for the next few years of a young person's life but is often seen as the payback day for parents who have invested heavily in school fees, voluntary contributions, Irish college, and grinds. Like it or not, many parents see educating their children as an investment and the Leaving Cert is a symbolic “payout”.
This adds to the pressure on the young person. Not only are they carrying the weight of potentially letting themselves down, but there is also the pressure of disappointing their parents and explaining to their extended family how it all went wrong. While this is not the case for most students who are happy with their points, many can be contemplating a doomsday scenario in the days running up to results day.
So, what if your child falls short of their expectations? What can you as a parent do to help? I advise encouraging them to exercise the 'Feck it Principle'. This principle is a version of 'what’s done is done' and involves trying to make the most of the cards you are dealt. There is no value in chastising someone for not working hard enough and the benefit of saying ‘I told you so’ is non-existent. The crucial message to communicate is: ‘It's going to be OK’. While this might seem simplistic advice, I can back it up with my professional experience.
I usually have several Leaving Cert students on my caseload. I have journeyed with anxious students for more than 25 years and feel like I have sat the Leaving Cert 25 times.
Most students who come to see me struggle with mental health, and the Leaving Cert is a considerable source of anxiety. Most are trying to complete or survive it while battling other demons and challenges.
I often get email updates or cards letting me know how they are getting on in their lives, some of whom now have families of their own. In almost all cases, everything turned out OK — maybe not with their Leaving Cert results, but in their lives.
People are remarkably good and making the most out of challenging situations and finding a path that works for them, and it's something we need to give ourselves enough credit for.
The future that becomes our past may not be the one we imagined in our heads, but in most cases, it turns out fine. And fine is often enough.
The young people I helped completed alternative courses, took a year out, repeated their Leaving Cert, or did a different course, and each one found their way.
Life is a series of choices, and every choice leads to another choice. Throughout our lives, we make choices which turn out to be good choices and other choices that turn out not so well. But nobody goes out with the intention of making wrong choices — they just happen.
We need to cut disappointed Leaving Cert students' slack and help them learn from the experience and make better choices next time. Let them know that there will always be a next time and hope that the experience has taught them to make better choices next time around. This is not to be understood as an ‘I told you so’. Difficult experiences shape and inform most young people’s subsequent choices, and they don’t need anyone to explicitly point this out to them
So, don't be overly critical if your child falls short of their expectations and your hopes when the Leaving Cert results come out on August 25. Try to minimise your disappointment and concentrate your efforts on supporting them.
Invite reality, perspective and context into the conversation and support them to make the best decisions with the options open to them.
A recent article in Forbes Magazine by CEO Jackie Tai suggested that an increasing number of research papers are showing a complicated relationship between academic achievement and career success. With the nature of the workforce changing, there is an increasing need for candidates to possess a good work ethic, communication skills and personable personality traits. The development of these life skills seems to be increasingly important for young adults joining the workforce.
Have faith in their ability to find their way — not necessarily in the world of academia or their careers, but in their lives, which counts for a lot.
- Dr Colman Noctor is a child psychotherapist