Sex File: He wants me to take the lead in bed
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I presume the medication in question is a PDE5 inhibitor such as Viagra, Levitra, Stendra or Cialis.
Although their active ingredients are different they all work in the same way, by helping the blood vessels to relax and increasing blood flow, making it easier for a man to get and sustain an erection.
They only work for erectile dysfunction (ED) that is caused by physiological factors such as poor circulation, and they're not designed to counter psychological causes, such as stress or anxiety.
That said, thanks to the power of placebo, when a man has performance anxiety, taking a little blue diamond can help to alleviate it.
There is no doubt that this has had a revolutionary impact on midlife men - and more press than Taylor Swift as a result.
An analysis of a randomised trial of patients from five nations found that successful treatment of ED could also boost a man's mental health and wellbeing, thanks to improved confidence, better relationships and higher levels of self-esteem.
However, in all the hype, one vital piece of information is constantly overlooked. Medications may make it easier for a man to get and sustain an erection, but they don't cause them on their own.
Men who take them still need to be sexually aroused for the drugs to work and that, I believe, is why your husband is so keen for you to give him a helping hand, so to speak.
I can understand why this feels difficult — you need a different kind of encouragement. When things have been broken for a while, it can take time to get things back on track.
Even though your husband's difficulties were clearly physiological, when someone you love stops being able to have sex with you, it's hard not to take it personally.
In trying to protect your husband, you have probably not told him how insecure his inability to have sex made you feel, but your confidence has been knocked.
As a result, you are much more tentative about how you have sex with him.
Your husband's confidence has almost certainly been knocked too, and despite the drugs, if he is scared of failure, he may be rushing things and paying less attention to your needs, so the sex you are having is not as great as it used to be.
Fortunately, the solution to this problem can be fairly simple. You just need to be honest with each other about how much this situation has really affected you both.
If you can clear the air, you will strengthen your emotional connection and get back to a place of confidence and trust.
Moving forward, this issue will serve as a useful reminder of the importance of honesty and vulnerability in a healthy sexual relationship.
As you both get older, you are likely to hit other bumps in the road. None of them will be insurmountable if you can tackle them as a team.
- Send your questions to suzigodson@mac.com