Sex File: How do I tell him I want more excitement in bed?
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Using words is your best bet, and since you have known him for ten years, I would imagine that you already know how to land a request in a way that will not upset him. Part of making any long-term relationship work is learning how not to press each other's buttons. Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to switch your sex life up a few gears, how you frame this request matters because if your partner interprets it as a criticism of the sex you have been having with each other for the past decade, he is likely to feel rejected. And rejection is not sexy.
Although your friends have made you question the adequacy of your sex life, the truth is that most people are having pretty straightforward sex. One American study showed that across a lifetime, people get up to all sorts, but when the researchers explored recent sexual behaviour, the picture was very different. Only about 1-2% of respondents had engaged in more "exploratory" behaviours in the previous month, and 5-7% had done so in the previous year. Couples may be more sexually experimental in the early part of their relationship when they are trying to impress, seduce, or learn about one another. On the other hand, couples who feel secure in their connection may feel more confident exploring new sexual behaviours as their relationship matures.
You seem to want to engage in more diverse sexual behaviours as a way of addressing sexual boredom or dissatisfaction. That's fine, but finding a way to bring up the topic in a natural way is important. One of the easiest ways to start this conversation is to watch a sexual film together. Last or even will spark a conversation about pushing sexual boundaries.
Tell him that you are curious about trying different things. You may find that you are being too cautious about upsetting him when, in fact, he would appreciate your frankness — and even some clear guidance — about exactly what you'd like. Excitement and pleasure are probably things that he really wants to provide for you; however, he is not a mindreader.
Try suggesting new things you'd like to try in a playful and seductive manner — if you make a game of it, you will both have more fun. One game you could introduce would be to each write six things you would like to try on a piece of paper, then, once you have reached agreement that each item is acceptable to both of you, roll two dice to indicate your starting moves. Try to put a ban on orgasm until you're at least halfway through the list (make sure they're randomly numbered), and roll the dice as long as your energy lasts.
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