Sex File: I can't keep up with my new, younger man
Long And Have That Hold Godson: Without All So Only Intensity A Can Tops Job For For Months Is You About Level Down Six Suzi Night Of Sex Collapsing
I doubt your dwindling sex life was the only reason your marriage failed. If it was, then the clock is probably ticking for your new relationship too. Although sex is important, it is not the most stable thing on which to base a romantic commitment. Studies have found a direct correlation between sexual and relationship satisfaction. But correlation is not causation: who can tell whether people who have more sex have happier relationships, or people who have happier relationships have more sex?
It's not easy to weigh up the component parts of something as intangible as a happy relationship, but that hasn't stopped researchers trying.
In her book , the psychologist Dr Laurie Mintz estimates that regular sex accounts for 15-20% of relationship satisfaction. Mintz is talking about long-term relationships, but what you have right now certainly isn't that. You and your younger man are in the honeymoon period and the sex you have now is not comparable to the sex you'll be having this time next year.
Recently rebranded as new relationship energy (NRE), what you are describing used to be known as good old-fashioned sexual chemistry: nature's way of persuading the human race to date, mate, and procreate. The cocktail of neurochemicals that people experience when they fall in love, and lust, overrides rational thinking. It is an amazing, addictive, and completely unsustainable state. You can only have sex all night and hold down a job for so long without collapsing. Six months is about tops for that level of intensity.
I know the age gap plays on your mind, but there are lots of examples of older woman/younger man relationships. If you are fit, healthy, and don't have sexual function problems there is no reason to presume that your libido is an issue. If the age gap does have an impact, it is more likely to be psychological.
Because you already blame mismatched libidos for the failure of your marriage, you are probably acutely aware of potential sexual asynchronism in your new relationship. Anxiety has a huge impact on sexual appetite, so allowing yourself to worry about mismatched desire will make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I suspect that what you are going through now is a normal period of adjustment. In initialism land, you are moving from NRE to ERE — established relationship energy — and things are bound to calm down as a result. Although we all have a tendency to search for complex explanations to problems that create anxiety, never overlook the obvious. If you have been getting it on every night since you met, you might just be a bit knackered, in which case, a few early nights or Saturday lie-ins might be all it takes. If what you are saying is that you don't actually want to have sex with your younger lover, see paragraph one.
I don't know how long ago your marriage ended but I do know that divorce is never easy, no matter how amicable it is. People can numb the pain by losing themselves in exciting new sexual relationships, but sooner or later their feelings catch up with them. Taking some time to allow yourself to process everything that has happened might give you the space to make conscious decisions about what you actually want.
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