Talk To Me: My boss is distant with me since I said no to offer for extra work 

You have already ascertained that the benefits of working part-time may be lost if you were to work full-time. Honest communication helps to re-establish trust and understanding, improving the working relationship. Workplace relationships contribute significantly to our overall wellbeing, so reflecting on your situation and connecting with me and others is a sound investment of time and effort.

Your manager’s behaviour may be unrelated to you turning down the full-time hours, and other factors may be at play. However, her reaction may indicate that your rejection of the offer has activated a response relating to her previous life experience. She may feel rejected or disappointed since you declined her offer. Additionally, your decision may have collided with her own value of ambition. 

When our values are confronted, we can feel unsettled, but we are not always conscious of this connection. By turning down the additional hours, you may have given her pause for thought, activating a reflection on her own choices.

 I suggest having a non-defensive and non-confrontational conversation with your manager. The invitation to have a conversation might start with, ‘I was hoping we could talk about how we are getting along. I would be interested to hear your thoughts, and then I could share some of mine.’ You could ask if she has any issues you can address. Perhaps she has concerns about staffing or workload that she hasn’t expressed yet. By turning down the full-time offer, you may have inadvertently disrupted her plans and potentially created some tension.

Explain that the decision is personal, not a reflection of her management style or your loyalty to the shop. Perhaps your decision relates to other demands on your time or a preference not to commute so often to reduce your carbon footprint. A conversation may reveal shared values of commitment or teamwork. 

Take time to express appreciation for the job and the team. A constructive discussion will allow you to work together to find a solution that benefits you both. You may find ways to alleviate some of your manager’s stress while maintaining your part-time hours. For example, alternative scheduling options may be feasible or taking on additional responsibilities within your current hours to support the team.

In preparation for such a conversation, reflect on your strengths and positive experiences in your workplace, such as the enjoyment you derive from your interactions with colleagues and customers. Perhaps you will gain a sense of how your contribution enhances community connectedness. This will help you maintain a positive attitude and navigate any
potential difficulties in the workplace should her behaviour remain distant.

By inviting a conversation with your manager and expressing your point of view, you can actively shape the relationship and work towards a positive outcome.

Like the Roy family in  Succession, the team in your grocery store has interconnected parts. Each part, including the staff, customers, community and management, contribute to the overall health and functionality of the system. Changes in one part of the system can have ripple effects on the other parts, so it’s essential to communicate openly and honestly.

You may well have disrupted your manager’s plans or thinking, causing a ripple effect. It is wise to consider that for all the guff of Logan Roy, the real disrupters are often calm and empathetic. In the words of one of our greatest disrupters, Gandhi, ‘be the change you wish to see in the world’.

Take care.

• If you have a question for Caroline, please send it to feelgood@examiner.ie