Sarah Harte: We need to re-write the script where victims are blamed 

A new study released on Tuesday shows how violence, sexual violence, and sexual harassment against Irish women are above the EU average, regardless of whether it takes place in an intimate relationship or is perpetrated by a stranger or colleague.

The comprehensive European study was released as part of the annual international Global 16 Days Campaign, which kicked off on Monday and highlights violence against women globally.

Here are some facts and figures. 

Cheering, isn’t it? As Irish women, we live with the social reality of these figures every day.

It affects daily decisions about where we walk, who we hang out with, what we drink, how we dress, how we get home after a social occasion, or what time we leave the office. 

We’re always making plans to stay safe because, culturally, we are given the duty of keeping ourselves safe. It’s up to us.

On Sunday, I went for a walk late in the afternoon because I had been working all day. When I returned, a family member said it wasn’t ideal that I had been tramping around West Cork alone in an isolated dark spot. 

I pointed out that I had been on the phone with a male friend, but as he lives in Portugal, there’s not much he could have done for me if I did get in trouble, and gardaí are so thin on the ground in rural Ireland that there is nobody to ring anyway.

The reality is that Ashling Murphy’s murder took the joy out of walking or running even in a supposedly rural idyll, even during the day for Irish women. 

In 2022, the Offaly teacher was murdered on a path by the canal in Tullamore, having been stabbed 11 times in the neck by Josef Puska and left to die in a ditch.

This callous taking of a young woman’s life, as well as shocking the nation, changed how many women view their daily regimes.

Last week, female journalists wrote several articles on the Nikita Hand versus Conor McGregor case, and you could sense the anger bubbling off the pages.

I spoke to female friends about the case all day on Saturday trying to process this case, yet another watershed in the onslaught of violence against women.

One thing that stood out was how weary women are trying to figure out a solution to the tsunami of violence, sexual violence, and harassment against their gender.

Men were furious about it, too. I did notice that most of the men I spoke to had daughters. Maybe that’s a coincidence. 

But a part of my brain wondered if they were imagining their daughters out and about and ending up in a sexual assault unit having a tampon removed from deep inside their vagina with a forceps.

What is also very striking is that on Monday, the Rape Crisis Centre released figures that showed how the number of first-time callers to its helpline increased by 50% over the weekend following Ms Hand’s High Court victory. 

So, there is value in discussing these things, and Nikita Hand did women a service in bringing her case.

Separately, the case of Gisele Pelicot has shocked France, and arguably the world.

The 72-year-old thought she was in a happy, supportive marriage. Her husband has now been accused of drugging her and inviting over 80 men to rape her while she was unconscious. 

Last week, Pelicot was given a chance to address the court one last time. With great dignity and referring to herself, she said: “It’s difficult for me to hear that it’s banal to have raped Madame Pelicot.”

Gisele Pelicot has gone to great lengths to stress that she is not taking the burden of shame in this case, she is sending it back to those accused of her rape.

Victim blaming is alive and well, and it goes deep in all of us and permeates several levels of society. 

Victim blaming happens in domestic violence when we read about horrific abuse against a woman by an intimate partner, and we immediately ask why she stayed, not why he did it.

It happens in domestic homicides when articles are written about a spontaneous loss of control by an otherwise good man who murders his wife and sometimes his children rather than facing the reality that the murder will have been planned by a man who felt entitled to murder his wife.

In these kinds of cases, you often read details about how the murderer handed out communion, was a stalwart in the local GAA club, or raised money for good causes.

There is a cultural resistance to accepting that he was a domestically abusive man, that the murder was the endpoint of a regime of abuse, and that domestic violence is rife in our country.

A powerful social script

It’s noteworthy that last week in the Nikita Hand versus McGregor case, Mr Justice Alexander Owens felt the need to direct the jury to point out that the fact that a woman engages in risky activity such as drinking or taking drugs “does not mean they are up for sex”.

The powerful social script we are given also enters the courtroom with judges, barristers, and solicitors because they are human beings and are not immune to these powerful stereotypical beliefs.

Unless we train them carefully, that script and the subtle effects of gender stereotypes affect legal decisions in cases of violence and sexual violence against women.

However, while the law is one tool in tackling violence and sexual violence against women, it’s not the only answer.

We over-expect from the legal system. The reality is that while we call out the law, we don’t call out the culture.

At some deep level, our social script says that men are entitled to power and control over women. 

And that if a girl or woman gets beaten, raped, sexually assaulted or harassed, then our first question must be whether she was asking for it. It’s time to re-write that script.