Sarah Harte: Young men need an ideology of ‘positive masculinity’ as guidance
Men like Andrew Tate glorify a capitalistic idea of life where the size of a man’s wallet matters, tapping into male insecurities around social standing and economic prospects.
CULTURAL representations of men are at an all-time low, and we now appear to live in a lurid Marvel universe with blow-hard, misogynist, villainous characters. It is so hard raising boys with the kind of messages that they are being bombarded with. The role models are dire, and in a highly connected world, they don’t just affect American men.
Trump has been in the news for his choice of defence secretary, a man who has been the subject of sexual assault allegations. His pick for attorney general was previously investigated for allegations of underage sex with minors, although the investigation was dropped, and he denied all charges.
At home, we had UFC trash-talking champion Conor McGregor skipping in and out of the High Court defending a civil action brought by Nikita Hand for alleged rape, but more of him later.
A grenade has been thrown into established norms of behaviour, and misogyny is now officially permissible. Open-mouthed, we wonder how the hell we got to the point where lurid frat-boy culture is mainstream
The dust has settled, and we can say that the American New Right did a superb job of rallying politically disengaged young men aged 19 to 29 to Trump’s cause, aided by a cadre of male influencers, podcasters, and right-leaning political commentators in an alternative mediascape.
Big names include Joe Rogan and Ben Shapiro, comedian Theo Von, streamer Adin Ross, wrestler Logan Paul, Andrew Schulz, and the Nelk Boys. These bros are a loose cathedral of people with diverse backgrounds; our sons know who they are. Broadly speaking, they sell a compelling mixture of machismo and disaffection to their loyal male fanbases, peddling the idea that traditional masculine virtues are being assaulted and that men must fight back.
As they drive mainstream politics right in a culturally conservative, nationalist, and economically populist direction, denigration of women is often part of this schtick, either overtly or covertly.
On the night of Donald Trump’s election, Elon Musk tweeted: “The cavalry has arrived. Men are voting in record numbers. They now realize [sic] that everything is at stake.”
Alleged sex trafficker, far-right influencer, and misogynist kickboxer Andrew Tate replied: “Its men vs gays n chicks.”
When Conor McGregor took to Twitter in September to announce his Irish presidential ambitions, Andrew Tate said he would vote for McGregor. Tate won’t be voting in our 2025 election. He doesn’t have a vote despite what he says because having a grandfather from Limerick doesn’t qualify him to vote. He’s also currently under house arrest while being investigated for a human trafficking case.
However, Tate wasn’t the only person who supported McGregor. Last December, when McGregor first floated the idea of running for president, Elon Musk, Donald Trump’s right-hand man, tweeted: “I think you could take them all single-handed. Not even fair.”
McGregor popped up in several conversations I had last week, with two men coincidentally calling him “an animal”, but they are not the demographic being influenced.
He is put on a pedestal by young men who are impressed by his faux-gangsta, misogynistic schtick. A former RTÉ Sports Personality of the Year, he has acknowledged his influence over young men: “All of them boys want to be me a little. And it’s true as fuck.”
To digress for a moment, the GAA must think long and hard about who it puts on a pedestal. Seriously, what kind of role model is Kyle Hayes, with convictions for two counts of violent disorder, yet he gets an All-Star award? Really?
McGregor has made no secret of his views on women. Two years ago, he posted a picture on Instagram naked from the waist down where he implied he was receiving oral sex on the deck of a yacht with the caption: “If you’re getting it, get it top floor of the triple deck.”
I remember seeing it and thinking this is a new low.
Then there was the Instagram post: “Happy International Women’s Day, everyone! Get your tits out for the lads, ladies. We love you.” In an American cable sports channel interview, he said: “I don’t really have a romantic side. If I’m going in, I’m going in for the kill. You won’t catch me walking down the beach holding hands; you will catch me going deep.”
With more than 47m followers on Instagram and more than 10m on Twitter, his words have reach.
McGregor fits the current culture that turns other men into opponents and women into objects. He and Tate both depict a cartoonish, exaggerated on-screen persona that aims to entertain with banter and being outrageous. Both glorify a capitalistic idea of life where the size of a man’s wallet matters, tapping into male insecurities around social standing and economic prospects.
We’re talking quasi-motivational quotes offering quick fixes to complicated problems, fast cars, and declarations of sexual dominance. Both are patently insecure for whatever reason, but that’s beside the point.
To some young men, they come across as bold mavericks. The problem goes deeper than lack of maturity. However irritating, we must acknowledge that equality has made young men insecure; they are unsure about their role. The bottom line is that we need a new script for masculinity and fast
Being understanding is hard when you feel punch-drunk. The day after the American election, the American writer Rebecca Solnit tweeted: “They want you to feel powerless and surrender and let them trample everything, and you are not going to let them. You are not giving up, and neither am I. The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything, and everything we can save is worth saving.” She’s right.
But salvaging something includes trying to reclaim young men. We need to go back to the drawing board because lecturing young men about toxic masculinity isn’t working. I’m dropping this term from my lexicon and replacing it with ‘positive masculinity’, shifting from what you shouldn’t be to what you could be.
As boys rehearse their masculinity and figure out what kind of man they will be, I think we have to work out what boys like about some of these guys and find a way to give them the tools to critically analyse them with humour. Being earnest or combative won’t cut it.
We need alternative modelling for boys, which means, as I’ve written before, the good men must stick their necks out and roll up their sleeves because most of this shitshow is on older men in society
So many good men don’t think this problem warrants their attention; they leave child-rearing to mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and teachers. Here is my message: get up off your asses as fathers, grandfathers, and uncles and help your younger male relatives to find positive paths as men.
Our core message to young men should be: Life is not a fight; it’s a race. We want you to lead a happy, fulfilled life, not just because we want you to treat women better, although that is important. We care about you, we have your backs, and, ultimately, we all rise and fall together.