Jennifer Horgan: Saoirse Ronan was spot on but predatory behaviour is not always about sex

“Who’s actually going to think about that?” quipped Mescal. “Good point,” chimed Eddie Redmayne.

Then Ronan’s truth bomb dropped, after she had first (no surprise there) been talked over: “That’s what girls have to think about all the time.” Then…Wow! Such silence, like an on-air flatline — our usually unflappable Graham doing a quick shuffle to the next card in his hands.

Saoirse Ronan’s comment was a triumph of language’s power to highlight violence by calling it out, naming it, refusing to not see it. However unrelenting, sexual and physical harassment are easier to spot now. The camouflage has been lifted on sexually predatory behaviour; we have the words and the social consciousness to at least identify it. Women can finally verbalise what they have always felt.

But people can be predatory beyond sex. Again, however unrelenting, we understand this in romantic relationships, particularly when it comes to coercive control. But there’s one place where we still have huge work to do, and that’s in the workplace.

People (often men, but not exclusively) can be predatory when it comes to power. I can’t use any specifics in this column but the real-life conversations I’m about to share suggest one thing: there’s a whole other ‘me too’ moment that’s yet to happen.

I’ll start with Sarah*. Sarah left her senior position upon realising there was no way to change the culture that was wearing her down. She was being socially excluded, missing key opportunities to influence decisions.

She got a fright one morning when she was so distracted with work that she nearly stepped in front of a bus.

“I had to give in. The fight was too hard. It was down to the smallest things, conversations in the corridor I wasn’t asked to join. Check-ins at the start of meetings about who had run the longest that morning, or benched the biggest weight. 

I was pushed out by the macho culture, again and again. 

Like Sarah, Ciara* ended up leaving her role in a similar field.

“We had all these policies but they didn’t mean anything. When I left my role, damaging my career and undoing years of hard work, I went to HR to record his bullying behaviour. The HR department came back to me a few weeks later and said they couldn’t find any evidence to support my claims. 

"They never even spoke to me. The HR department ultimately wants to protect the business, and if you say anything you’re just seen as trouble.” 

Ciara remembers a man literally screaming in her face. When she spoke to the CEO about what had happened, he said he had experienced something entirely different. He reported having witnessed two individuals failing to communicate.

It might not help women that the person guiding the conversation at the top of the pile is often a male — only one in five boards of directors in Ireland has a female chairperson.

Anne*, working in an entirely different sector, feels guilt for giving in to the narcissism of her boss.

“I had always been able to disagree with senior bosses but this guy took immediate offence. 

It was like you were marked — even if your disagreement was a purely professional, legitimate one. He saw any push-back as a threat to his power. The younger members of staff adored him, and so he mostly surrounded himself with them. 

"For the last 10 years, I just appeased and avoided him. I still feel guilty because I have daughters but I didn’t have a choice. There was nowhere to go. Even when I went to my union they said that it wasn’t possible. They kept on saying he was such a nice guy.”

John*, a colleague of Anne’s, shares similar views on their boss.

“He manipulates the system to give himself full control, inventing titles and roles for himself. 

He is particularly against women of a certain age. If they cross him, even question him, he will ensure they don’t progress. 

John adds that “two of the most serious cases of narcissism I’ve seen in recent years have been women.” 

I’ve had personal experiences of narcissism myself.

The boss in my case displayed the traits of covert narcissism; he sought sympathy, presenting himself as a ‘good guy’. He was involved in every tiny interaction, thereby blocking the development of younger professionals, and appearing indispensable himself.

I didn’t fight. I realised I needed to move my career in a different direction, move country, move ambitions.

How many ambitious and capable people in Ireland move job, direction or department when it doesn’t make any professional sense? What are the push factors? Shouldn’t we track these migrations? 

Anne told me that her career progression ended 10 years ago when she backed down and stopped fighting.

I recognised my story in these conversations. Phrases like ‘it’s insidious,’ or ‘it’s so hard to articulate’. We don’t have the language yet. Possibly, we need to start by revising our policies. 

What genuine checks are in place for these predators in the workplace? If a complaint is made, how seriously is it taken? What supports are in place for people to complain in the first place? How do people lower down the hierarchy feel about the individual in question? 

Asking them might yield surprising results. Narcissists often focus their approval-seeking on the rung above, and not below.

Issues also arise when potentially toxic environments are left to police themselves. I have come across this problem in Catholic schools, where parents wishing to make a complaint against their school, often relating to the provision for special educational needs, have nowhere to go.

The board, the recipient of the complaint, is that school; it is the parish priest, the principal, and local volunteers. Whatever about religion, this is a reason why parents should want their schools to reconfigure, ensuring complaints get sent up and out of the community for due consideration.

But getting back to the workplace — this is predominantly an issue with men, but not exclusively. It relates to the fact that men hold the majority of positions at the top. 

In Ireland, only 19% of CEOs are female, a slow improvement from previous years, but in a society where females are over-achieving in education, little sense can be made of the continuing inequality — workplace narcissism goes some of the way.

This is a reality hidden in plain sight. We don’t have the language yet, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a problem. Harvard Business Review estimates that 30% of workplaces experience bullying. 

According to the anti-bullying centre in DCU, it is somewhere closer to 33% in an Irish context. That is a staggering statistic.

We need people to come forward, even anonymously, with their stories. Then we can start building a picture. We can start constructing our language.

Saoirse Ronan’s comment last week was perfect, but it was also down to the tireless work and activism of countless good women and good men. We’re not there yet when it comes to non-physical oppression. 

By naming it we might create a world in which predators don’t ever make it to such senior positions. From America to Russia, to Israel, to our own workplaces, how much better off we’d be.

*names changed.