Michael Moynihan: I'm all for green spaces in city but it's hard to move past the 'robot trees'

According to a Global Sustainability Institute study, Ireland is one of the top three countries placed to survive a global societal collapse due to climate change. This is based on our ability to benefit from isolation and self-sustainability when it comes to turtling.

Which leads me to conclude that a) the study’s authors have never experienced the incipient societal collapse when one hunts through the English Market for buttered eggs on a certain day of the week, and to wonder if b) ‘turtling’ is something I can look up on the internet without getting a tersely worded invitation to a sit-down with Human Resources.

Even though I’m in the deepest level of my survival bunker in Cork I can almost hear the sceptics scoff at this study’s findings, but anyone encountering coverage of the UN report, which was described as a code red to humanity, will hardly be sniggering this morning. Sobering is an overused word, but the effect of this report should be analogous to a freezing cold shower and a pint of black coffee (less of the sobering-up analogies — ed).

Which leads us, inevitably, back home, and the steps being taken in Cork when it comes to the environment.

Just this week, in fact, there was a development which probably caught your eye. As reported by Liz Dunphy and Eoin English in these pages: “Five high-tech CityTrees, costing some €350,000 for the year including maintenance, are being installed at St Patrick’s St and on the Grand Parade near the City Library.

“CityTrees are large structures covered in mosses designed to filter harmful pollutants such as fine dust particles and nitrogen oxides (NOx) from the air.

“The moss acts as a filter to ‘trap’ and ‘eat’ fine dust, making it a sustainable and regenerative fine dust filter.”

Of course, no one is calling them CityTrees. They’re robot trees. Now and forever.

To give a balanced view, these five robot trees are just part of Cork City Council’s overall programme, which includes a plan to plant 1,300 trees — real trees — this year alone.

But it’s hard to move past the robot trees, isn’t it? A few short weeks ago I wrote about the prospect of the council appointing a trees officer. At the time I just didn’t realise that the officer would be using a screwdriver rather than secateurs.

(These machines are a gift to the columnist, though hopefully they remember, when they rise up to take over, that I for one welcomed our new robot tree overlords).

On a more serious note, Liz and Eoin consulted the experts and found questions to answer: “Atmospheric scientist Dean Venables said that the devices are ‘a costly and ineffectual gimmick’ and will have no meaningful impact on the city’s air quality.

“Dr Venables, a researcher at the Centre for Research into Atmospheric Chemistry at University College Cork, told the Irish Examiner that Ireland’s core strategy has to be about reducing emissions, not just clawing back some of the pollution after the fact.

“He said that although the CityTrees may clean the air in the immediate vicinity of the structures, they would have no discernible impact on overall air quality in the city.”

I don’t doubt Dr Venables’ qualifications and wouldn’t question his views, but even a scientific illiterate like myself has to raise his hand at this point and ask a question. Why are we using robot versions of trees? Is this question too obvious?

Was this a plan which sounded great in a committee meeting because there wasn’t a six-year-old present to say, ‘you know, we have a real life version of those around the place’?

How can a mechanically assembled unit shipped in from the manufacturers in Germany, presumably, be more environmentally friendly than a tree grown locally?

What if this is just the beginning? Instead of pigeons and seagulls, perhaps we could have some robot birds flying around the city, gathering real-time traffic information.

The river itself can be an inconvenience from time to time — maybe it’s time to mechanise that as well, and create a virtual river to process waste from upstream. When you start down this road you really begin to wonder what it is that’s necessary: perhaps we need fewer awkward, questioning citizens and more lifelike automatons who are more pliable.

Fair enough, that may be a step too far, though Ira Levin wrote a great book about just that last subject topic, by the way, if you’re looking for a summer read.

Ironically, earlier this week I was thinking of writing about the finalist stage of the 2021 Global Mayors Challenge, a scheme where cities around the world come up with bright ideas, with the winners having their ideas funded.

As an example, Wellington in New Zealand has 75,000 residents living or working in areas vulnerable to rising sea levels, so it’s developed a “digital twin” of the city that combines land, financial, community, and infrastructure data in a virtual map of the city. The city plans on using this as a tool to engage residents in climate policy and coordinate community action across Wellington to adapt to climate change.

Or the plans in Paris to create a climate academy to train young people aged between nine and 25 in how to lead the ecological transformation of the city, based on research which shows that half of young people in the city don’t know how to take action when it comes to climate change.

Not all of the proposals are environment-related (for more go to their website and take in the full range of initiatives and proposals), but in any case my plan was overtaken by the arrival of our new robot trees.

My plan for later this week is to drop into town for a chat with them, by the way.

If they’re using Internet of Things technology, as advertised, then I presume hooking them up to AI would facilitate an interview easily enough.

For instance, I’m keen to hear the CityTrees’ view of the old Joyce Kilmer poem we all learned long ago in school. You know, the one which ends with:

Poems are made by fools like me

But only God can make a tree.

Our new arrivals, however, mean a swift change.

Poems are made by fools like me

But only Green City Solutions of Bestensee, Germany can make

The world’s first biotech fine dust filter for urban spaces.

Integrated moss modules bring the forest into the city and ensure that the air is verifiably and noticeably clean

Look, no one is saying it’s Seamus Heaney, but be reasonable. The robot poets aren’t due to arrive for another couple of weeks.