Lighten Up: Could wearing wool make you sexy?

And don't you be worrying about the holes and your big toe sticking out.

Sure, we all have holes in our clothes. We all have big toes sticking out. Join the club. You're grand.

In fact, you are better than grand.

And if your jumper is made of wool, my God my friend, you are on the pig's back entirely.

Leave on your jumper too and rush to the mirror immediately. I have some exciting news to relay.

You are a stunning creature and that's a fact.

Indeed, you could well have all the sex appeal of Magnum PI.

And better again, you probably didn't even realise it.

So put down your toast for the next five minutes and stop eating that boiled egg.

Today I bring your great news from the scientific community in the UK, I will need your undivided attention.

A researcher at Nottingham Trent University, a doctor no less, believes people may have a wool fetish and many don't even know it.

Yes, wool is back. And it's back with a bang.

Dr Mark Griffiths, an expert in Behavioural Addiction, believes that some people could have a "lifelong obsession" with wool.

The whole thing is hard to explain, for 'tis all very scientific (and exciting) of course, but the nub of Dr Griffiths research is that the wearing of wool might well, not only make you feel sexy, but could make you very appealing to members of the opposite sex.

You were probably like Right Said Fred all along and you didn't realise it! Isn't that gas? Who would have thought?

Anyhow, the research is at an early stage, so like spitting on your hands before grabbing your shovel, there is a whole lot of digging that still needs to be done.

But initial signs are good. Wool is cool, it may even be hot!

The trick to wearing woolly clothing correctly, if you ask me, is not to wear too much, nor too little.

Nobody wants to be going around the place like a dog in heat. You need attention for sure, but not buckets of it.

So if you are going out this afternoon to the co-op or elsewhere, and you plan on wearing a jumper, socks and old woolly hat, I'd make sure one of the three doesn't contain wool.

You don't want to be the cause of farmer-mania. You are only going there for a bag of calf nuts.

And if you happen to be going to a Christmas party later in the month, just be aware that the Christmas jumper you are wearing may make you irresistible.

And while this is, of course, great news for the wearer of wool, the good news can surely be multiplied a thousand times over for the sheep farmer.

Sexy wool would be a godsend to the under-pressure sheep farmer.

If wool is indeed proven to be sexy, the price of it will surely rocket.

Wool could become the Viagra of the Irish farming world.

The sheep farmer, the farming equivalent of Pfizer.

Wool has, of course, been in the doldrums for years. The art of shearing sheep had become a job so unrewarding, that few of us were willing to do it.

But now, because of Doctor Griffith's discovery, wool could become as precious as gold dust.

Sexy wool could be the answer to all our prayers.

So wear your wool and see how hot your life will become.