Denis Lehane: Santa raises his glass to Seamus in Kanturk
One Of And His So Bandon Into Finest Up Packed He Town's Grotto Followed Bag, Me Abandoned Establishments His
I met Santa the other day and asked him what was his favourite thing about Christmas.
"Do you know what it is Denny?" he said, being very sincere, as always. "It's the knowledge that the farmers of Ireland, farmers like yourself, will be taking a well-deserved break.
"Farmers work ferocious hours," he emphasised.
I nodded in agreement.
"I only work one hard night in the year and the whole world thinks I'm amazing. Farmers work like that every day and get precious little praise for their efforts."
"Will you have a pint?" I then asked for I felt Santa's throat was getting mighty dry from all the talking.
"God knows," says he, "I will. My grotto is closed for the remainder of the day and I've little else to be doing."
So he packed up his bag, abandoned his grotto and followed me into one of Bandon town's finest establishments. A place where good drink and warm shelter is always on offer to thirsty worn-out fellows, like Santa Claus and me.
"Will you have a drop to warm the road before the pint?" I asked.
"God knows," says Santa again, "I will have that too, sure tis Christmas after all."
I was in Bandon myself to collect a free turkey. I get a free turkey every year in Bandon, for reasons far too complicated to get into today.
Suffice to say, I am offered a free turkey, and wouldn't I be a fool entirely to refuse one? Living as I do in house with seven others, a free turkey in this house is as welcome as one in Bob Cratchit's.
Anyhow, as we sat there by the fire we chatted. We chatted about Christmas, but mostly about farming. Santa has a real grá for the land. He is very fond of it.
Next he asked about the famous man from North Cork, a man who is always so quick on his feet.
"Do you mean Michael Flatley?" I asked.
"Yerra no," says he "only Seamus O'Keeffe of Kanturk mart.
"Is it really true?" Santa queried "Is Seamus really retiring from his role as Kanturk mart manager?"
"Well Santa," says I, "to the best of my knowledge, he is."
"Lord above," Santa exclaimed "and how long has he been manager of Kanturk mart?"
"Sure how would I know Santa?" I responded. "I'm not the Minister for Agriculture. The only thing I do know," says I, "is that he will be missed."
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And with that we raised our glasses in honour of Seamus, a wonderful manager and a wonderful human being.
"So tell me," Santa went on, "how will the new government be in supporting the struggling farmer?"
"Well," says I, "so long as they look after the small farmer and the family farm, we will be ok."
And with that we raised a glass to the small farmer and to the family farm.
"We are on the breadline entirely," I said before taking another fine sup from my glass. Santa shed a tear too, for he can be an emotional old fool, if truth be told.
And finally turning to 2025 Santa asked what were my hopes and dreams for the new year.
"Well Santa," say I, "Like a fellow about to squeeze the balls of a big bull, I will latch onto the new year and hope for the best."
"Well, you can't do any more than that Denny," Santa quipped, greatly impressed with my philosophical approach to the new year and to life in general.
And with that, we left Bandon town. I returned home to my Kilmichael farm to enjoy Christmas and Santa geared up for a spin that will take him to every home in the world.
Happy Christmas everyone.
