Ask a solicitor: My daughter's grandparents want her to stay overnight at their home

I have known my ex-partner since I was a child as he grew up on a neighbouring farm. Our parents were friendly with each other and would often help each other out on the farms.

My relationship with my ex has always been on and off, and to be truthful, he hasn’t been the best boyfriend. Since our daughter was born, he has not really been involved in her life, and he recently moved to Australia for work. We speak on the phone or through video calls once a month or so. He pays maintenance for my daughter.

The problems I am having are with my ex-partner's parents. They keep insisting on having my daughter over to their house by herself. They are of the view that she should be staying over for sleepovers and on two to three occasions during the week after pre school. I don’t agree that my daughter is old enough to be away from me overnight at this age.

I also think that such a high level of access interferes with our day-to-day life and any plans I have made for my daughter and me, as well as any playdates she has with her friends. 

When I refuse their requests, they get annoyed and say that they have rights as grandparents. I don’t mind them having a relationship with my daughter but I think that they should see her maybe once a week or so and that she is too young for sleepovers yet. 

It's beginning to feel like they are harassing me for access, and I have started ignoring their calls and texts as I find them difficult to deal with. What are their rights in relation to my daughter? 

I understand that I have sole guardianship for my daughter as my ex and I were never married and have never lived together. Is this correct?

Dear Reader,

Firstly, yes, you are correct, it appears that you have sole Guardianship for your daughter as you are her father are not married and you have not lived together for 12 months to include three months after your daughter was born. Further, you do not mention any Guardianship agreement that you have entered into or any Court Order conferring Guardianship on your child’s father.

Having sole Guardianship means that you are the only person who can make decisions about your daughter, such as where she goes to school, whether she has medical treatment, etc.

In response to the issues you are having with your child’s grandparents, grandparents do not have an automatic right to see their grandchildren. It is usually up to the guardians of the child to decide who they have access with. 

If grandparents are not happy with the amount of access that they are permitted then they can make an application in the District Court. The court, when considering such applications, will take into account the following:

• The Grandparents connection with the child;
• The risk, if any, of any Order made disrupting the child's life to the extent that the child would be harmed by it;
• The wishes of the child's guardian(s);
• The views of the child; and
• Whether an Order is necessary for access to be facilitated.

The court, when making any decision in relation to a child, will have the child's best interests at the forefront of their decision making.

Before any court proceedings in relation to children, it is best to try to resolve the issues through mediation, which is where a trained independent professional called a mediator helps parties come to an agreement in a safe space.

This process is much less confrontational than court proceedings and is better for all involved. However, sometimes, it is not possible to reach an agreement in mediation, which is when applications to the court become necessary.

In your case, I would advise you to have a meeting with your child's grandparents and set out what access you feel comfortable with. During this meeting, you can explain your concerns about any overnight access at this point and the high level of access they are seeking.

I am of the view that once-a-week access to grandparents is sufficient. It may be that in time, if all goes well and as your daughter gets older, that you can agree some more access between yourselves.

Angela O'Connor LLB specialises in Family Law, Enduring Power of Attorney and Applications in respect of Mental Capacity and Assisted Decision Making and is a solicitor practising in Walsh & Partners Solicitors LLP, 88 Main Street, Midleton, Co Cork.

Email: info@walshandpartners.ie 

Web: www.walshandpartners.ie

• While every effort is taken to ensure the accuracy of the information contained in this article, solicitor Angela O’Connor does not accept responsibility for errors or omissions, howsoever arising. Readers should seek legal advice in relation to their particular circumstances at the earliest opportunity.