Denis Lehane: An ass of the highest order - my part in The Banshees of Inisherin

We will be offering up a decade of the rosary every night for a favourable result.

And when I say 'we', I mean the cast and myself - Brendan Gleeson, Colin Farrell and me.

For, crazy as it sounds, bizarre as it may seem, I too was part of the act.

Yes, yes, the more eagle-eyed of you may have noticed that the donkey, Jenny - a pivotal character in the film might I add - was not actually a real donkey at all.

Due to rules and regulations, fears of accusations of animal cruelty, constraints and cutbacks and a dash of departmental meddling, the makers of the movie were not allowed to use a real donkey.

No. Not on your Nellie. They had to improvise.

So, instead, two men had to dress up as one.

And as a consequence, I had, a small part, admittedly, but a highly respected part to play in the famous movie.

I played the backside of Jenny the donkey, and aul Pajoe, who you'll know from the column, played the front end.

And we were brilliant, of course.

Indeed, so moving, so beguiling, so touching were we in our role that the movie itself cannot be mentioned nowadays without referencing the donkey. 

A 'show stealer', I've even heard some say.

And better again, the whole country, nay the whole world, was fooled into thinking the donkey was the real McCoy.

The donkey was as real as my Ferrari. She was as real as prosperity in rural Ireland. She was as real as a rural road without potholes.

She was nothing more than a raggy costume thrown on the backs of two very talented men.

But it's a secret, so don't tell anyone, especially the yanks, for the Banshee Movie has them enthralled.

Many, of course, would assume, and rightly so, that a progressive farmer like me would have little time to play the donkey.

This is true, but I did.

For as with every wonderous achievement in my life, I made the time.

I did my farm work early in the day and then played an ass for the remainder.

And I was brilliant too, according to McDonagh. The esteemed director and playwright thought I was the greatest donkey he had ever seen. I was an ass of the highest order.

The movie now has all the signs of my handiwork, highly tipped for Oscar success, with the part played by the donkey helping greatly in supporting the cause.

And I must confess, even in my mouldy old costume, even as I trotted perfectly in step with Pajoe after Colin Farrell over rough terrain, we felt we were breaking new ground.

Similar to Lawrence of Arabia, I felt it was acting the donkey on a grand scale.

I had a lever to pull when my tail needed wagging, and it was said by Mcdonagh himself, that I worked that lever to perfection. I'm very proud of this fact, to be honest with you.

The part of the ass, alas, was never going to be in contention for an Oscar, underdogs rarely are.

But if an award was ever given to someone who acts the donkey to the highest level, I feel I would be in with a great chance of coming out on top.